swimming in a sea of love and suffering

A Public Display of Affection

2012-02-13T19:39:00.000-08:00

March 11th, 2006 - Maria and I had spent the day wandering around Como Zoo admiring their collection of suicidal animals, then went to Annie's Parlour for burgers and malts, and finished the evening sitting on swings in an empty park on the University of MN campus. It was then that we decided that we wanted to pursue a serious relationship. Our future together was set in motion that evening. I would have to say it was one of the best and most significant evenings of my life.

And since that evening I have been so thankful that we made that decision together, because I have married the woman that I love so deeply.

She is someone I look up to and learn from, but also someone I can laugh with and pick on. When Maria, Delia, and I are just in the living room playing I am the happiest I have ever been in the most simple of situations. Maria is so supportive of me in my goals and dreams that it gives me confidence to pursue them. When we disagree I am never too worried because I know that we both want to work it out together. We are a team, we are a family.

When Delia was born, not only did she bring joy but stress and change. Maria was so brave during labor and that bravery helped us to work through our fears together once Delia came into the world. Not only is there a strong bond between parent and child, but the bond between husband and wife was fortified in that moment as well.

I am so excited for our family's future, because I will be able to experience it with the love of my life.

I also love Maria because she is a HUGE fan of AMC's "the Walking Dead". But, if you ask her about it she won't admit to it.

The song that is in the video below would be considered one of "our songs". If we had heard it before we got married, it would have been in our wedding. I think this video makes it perfectly clear why I love this woman with all of my heart.

I love you, Maria!

Baby Talk with Adeline Plantage

2012-02-05T06:58:00.000-08:00

The Ghost of Christmas Present

2011-12-18T13:24:00.000-08:00

In trying to decide how to write the first Schultz family Christmas letter I went through a couple of different themes. First, I entertained the thought of trying to write the letter from the perspective of Delia Arlette Schultz, Maria and I's first child that was born on July 17th. It would be very short (which was the plus) but would have included very limited information. Here is a sample.

"It was dark. Muffled noise. Forced out into the cold. Bright lights. Screaming. Pain. Warmth. Sleep. Many happy faces staring at me all the time. Kind of creepy. More bright lights. More sleeping. More happy faces. Some frustrated faces. Crying. Sleep. Looking around. Crying. Faces. Crying faces. Smiling faces. Toys. I smiling. Rolling over. Scooting. Oh, what's that? I want it. Scoot to it. It gets taken away. Toys. Goofy faces. giggling."

And so on. That is not something I would want to read for an entire letter. Delia is growing in leaps and bounds. It has been amazing to watch her grow and Maria and I can't imagine life without her. We love her very much and can not wait to see what her future holds. I can not put into words how much Delia has added to and changed our lives, so I won't try. I will just move on.

Another theme I thought about was writing in the perspective of Maria's thesis paper, which she has been diligently working on and will soon have completed! Here is a sample of that letter.

"I'm a pain in the butt."

That would be the entire letter. Not much of an update. Maria is very close to being done with that paper, which the entire family is looking forward to. Maria also started a new job this fall, teaching special education at Hayes Elementary in Fridley, MN. She loves her job, even though day to day it can be very challenging. But she is doing great, and she is an amazing teacher.

The last theme I thought about using would be to write in the perspective of my beard. But, that would have just been creepy I think. And really, what could my beard say that would be of any worth? it would just talk about what I have been eating (which would be a long list) and that it probably always has crumbs in it. So, I will spare you those details and just tell you what I have been up to.

I am still working for U.S. Bancorp in their licensing division. That sentence said all there is to say about it. Who knows what this next year will bring for me, career wise. I have some ideas, but none that I am going to share. Mostly because it will probably take many years for it to come to fruition, if it ever does, but hopefully this year will mark the beginning of the process, and I am excited about it. Otherwise, I am learning the role of father and just making a point to take time out to enjoy my new family.

Maria and I are so thankful for all of our family and friends that have supported us and been there for all of these exciting but stressful changes in our lives. And we know all of those same people will be with us as things change even more, as they are apt to do in this life. Just know that Maria, Delia, and I love you all very much and know that our lives are exponentially better with you all involved in it.

Merry Christmas and God Bless!

Adam, Maria, and Delia Schultz

5 Months in 5 Minutes

2011-12-12T19:37:00.000-08:00

A Little Withered Wing

2011-11-29T19:23:00.000-08:00

First, the facts:

On the evening of November 28th around 8 PM I was holding Delia because she was a little tired and cranky. She was sucking on her pacifier when she decided she wanted to try and sit up, and as the pacifier fell out of her mouth I tried to catch it. But, when I reached for the falling pacifier her little arm came between my arm that held her and my other arm reaching for the pacifier. I heard a little pop and my heart sank. She cried and I knew a fear that I had never known before, that I had broke my beautiful daughter's arm.

We were able to calm her down pretty quickly, and the arm didn't seem to be bothering her. She just wasn't using it to reach for things like she normally would. She was in pretty good spirits, but I just didn't feel right.

So we took her in to the ER. We waited to get her looked at for a few hours while people around us vomited into blue plastic bags they were given by the hospital. Finally we were seen. The doctor manipulated the arm and it did bother Delia. They did x-rays and found that nothing is broken or dislocated. The doctor decided that a splint would be a good idea, just to make sure it heals without her aggravating it. She will get the splint removed on Thursday afternoon. We got home around 1:30 AM.

Delia remains in good spirits and is already rolling and lifting the arm like there isn't anything amiss. Nothing will crush her spirits, not even a gimpy arm.

Second, the feelings:

Initially I was scared. I was so scared that I had seriously injured her arm. If something was seriously wrong I don't know that I ever would have been able to forgive myself.

I was extremely embarrassed. There's nothing that diminishes the confidence of a first time father than hurting your child, even if it was accidental.

But, most of all, I felt like a failure, in combination with being angry at myself. My job as a parent is to protect my child. To keep her safe from danger or injury, to the best of my ability. And, in my mind, that ability was proven to be non-existent when I heard that little pop in Delia's arm. As many times as Maria assured me that it was an accident and I shouldn't be so down on myself, I could not get passed the feeling that I, in one instant, became a terrible father.

Maria was so calm and loving. I think Delia stayed calm because she was (plus her injury wasn't all that bad). But I know it was her patience and positive attitude that prevented me from punching myself in the face.

That is all pretty melodramatic, and I know that I am not a terrible father. I also know that in the long run, this won't be that big a deal. But, this is a first for me, so it feels pretty significant. I still feel guilty when I see her in her little cast. But, I know that I did perform the function of a parent. Yes, it was my actions that caused the injury (I will let the pacifier fall from now on), but I also did what needed to be done to heal our daughter, Maria and I both did. We love her so much that we would have done anything to make sure she was okay, even pay the ER co-pay.

No one will ever be a perfect parent. But it is what one does to correct the mistakes that are made that makes a good parent.

On the plus side, the cast looks a little bad ass. It also reminds me of those little crabs with the one big claw and the little claw, which I think is cute. Regardless of that, I would much rather she not need the cast.

Here is some video of Delia proving that this little cast isn't going to get in the way of rolling around. She is amazing.

October 31st

2011-10-31T18:55:00.000-07:00

I love Halloween. It was so incredible to put on a costume and become one of your favorite characters or something you have always been fascinated by. I don’t remember being any character in particular, but I do regret not dressing as Batman or one of the Ninja Turtles (probably Raphael). And my favorite costume was a dinosaur costume that my mother made for me because I always loved dinosaurs (of course now it would have to be a shark costume, but my beautiful daughter achieved that dream for me).

In recent years when Halloween comes around I am no longer given the opportunity to put on a costume. Obviously Trick or Treating is no longer an option after the age of 26, and there isn’t a yearly Halloween party that my wife and I attend, so costumes don’t happen even though we would love them to.

Here is a brief list of costumes that I have wanted to wear the past few years but have not been able to:

The Unabomber
A Uvula

A 1975 Plymouth Valiant

A Platypus

Bill Pullman

But, there is one thing that I would never do, because I know that if I did this thing it would suck out all of the fun of putting a costume on, and that is . . . wearing a costume to work.

I saw a few people in costume today and I couldn’t help but envision how it would look for a person dressed as a bag of M&M’s to be sitting in a cubicle answering phone calls unenthusiastically. Would feeling like a bag of M&M’s make that more fun, or would being frustrated at a phone call make being dressed as a bag of M&M’s completely ridiculous.

Imagine a bag of M&M’s sitting in a cubicle yelling into the phone that the inter-office mail never got to where it was supposed to go and that now the inter-office mail has to get resent and everyone is now behind because it takes a few days for the inter-office mail to get where it is going. Do you feel better about the M&M costume? I wouldn’t.

Does it make sending an email better if you’re wearing cat ears and a furry vest? It just makes it sad, only because it is such a bland environment in the first place.

Maybe these folks are trying to brighten up their work day by doing something that they feel is fun. Maybe they love Halloween more than I do, and they actually have the courage to wear a costume to a place where most people would not or don’t have enough imagination to come up with a costume idea in the first place. I mean, the only costume I considered wearing today was to put on a tie and come to work as someone who actually gives a ---- about my job. So I would have to say, more power to you if you choose to wear a costume to work.

But, all I know is that if I came to work as a uvula it would be fun for maybe the first half an hour to an hour as people arrive at work and go, “Hey! Great uvula costume!” But then it’d be back to business and being a uvula would become hum drum and work would suck away all of the fun of wearing a costume.

This year to celebrate I have just decided to watch as many horror films as I can, and I think this will become my yearly tradition (much to the dismay of my lovely wife, who puts up with my love of the macabre and scary but does not share in it). Of course my other yearly tradition will be going with Maria and Delia out trick or treating (which I can not wait to do). And maybe, just maybe, when she is old enough, Delia will join Dad for the scary movie marathon every Halloween. Because by the time she is old enough for that, she probably won’t be trick or treating anymore.

To finish, I wanted to include one of my favorite scary stories when I was a kid (who am I kidding, I still love it). Happy Halloween!

Sounds

from More Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark by Alvin Schwartz

Illustrations by Stephen Gammell

The house was near the beach. It was a big old place where nobody had lived for years. From time to time somebody would force open a window or a door and spend the night there. But never longer.

Three fishermen caught in a storm took shelter there one night. With some dry wood they found inside, they made a fire in the fireplace. They lay down on the floor and tried to get some sleep, but none of them slept that night.

First they heard the footsteps upstairs. It sounded like there were several people moving back and forth, back and forth. When one of the fishermen called, "Who's up there?" the footsteps stopped. Then they heard a woman scream. The scream turned into a groan and died away. Blood began to drip from the ceiling into the room where the fishermen huddled. A small red pool formed on the floor and soaked into the wood.

A door upstairs crashed shut, and again the woman screamed. "Not me!" she cried. It sounded as if she was running, her high heels tapping wildly down the hall. "I'll get you!" a man shouted, and the floor shook as he chased her.

Then silence. There wasn't a sound until the sound of the man who had shouted began to laugh. Long peals of horrible laughter filled the house. It went on and on until the fishermen thought they would go mad.

When finally it stopped, the fishermen heard someone coming down the stairs dragging something heavy that bumped on each step. They heard him drag it through the front hall and out the front door. The door opened; then it slammed shut. Again, silence.

Suddenly a flash of lightening filled the house with a green blaze of light. A ghastly face stared at the fishermen from the hallway. Then came a crash of thunder. Terrified, they ran out into the storm.

Baby Study

2011-10-01T08:49:00.000-07:00

Recently Maria and I received an letter from the University of MN congratulating us on our new born child and requesting our permission to allow them to experiment with our child and family. Of course we said yes! It's not very often you get a chance to be involved in a groundbreaking study at the U of MN.

An example of the wonderful studies coming out of the University was the one I was involved in when I was an undergrad.

They were testing whether or not being drunk had an effect on how you respond to certain stimuli. I could see this was extremely important study, even though I could probably have given them their answer right when I read the hypothesis . . . Yes! It does! But, this was going to be a new experience and some money in my pocket.

They had me do a couple of brain games, which I don't quite remember, and then we did the "Clockwork Orange" style portion of the study. After sensors were placed on my person and a conducting gel and cap full of sensors placed on my head, they showed my slide after slide. Some of the images were happy, i.e. puppies, children, candy, and so forth. Others were disturbing, i.e. riot scenes, dead bodies, mean dogs, etc. And others were sexual, i.e naked women, naked men, naked men and women together (you get the idea). And the creepy part about all of this was that the images were mixed, so one minute I was seeing naked people kissing, then a corpse, then a child smiling. I finished and left with a little extra cash and a new experience to learn from.

So that is why Maria and I didn't want to prevent Delia from having a new learning experience like I had. Obviously, not the same study, that would be a bit too much for her developing brain to handle. But, I did hack into the U of MN's research database and found a few experiments that I would like Delia to participate in. They are as follows:

The "Muscle Baby" Study:

This study is to determine whether or not a child's developing muscles can achieve tone and definition as well as added strength.

To do this they intend on giving each child a personal trainer who will do exercises and motivate the child. They will do push ups, pull ups, ab work, cardio (most likely on a bicycle), and weights.

I think Delia would benefit from this study especially if she gains strength. Because she will need that strength to keep boys scared of her. Also, I am pretty curious to find out how much she would be able to bench press after a few months of intense baby exercise. Maybe I could take her to the gym and be her spotter, that would look pretty odd.

The "Franco Effect" Study:

This study's purpose is to find out whether or not it is better to be really good at one thing, or to do a number of things poorly.

The name of this study is derived from the actor James Franco, who has tried, and in my opinion failed, at a large amount of creative ventures. So they would have one group of babies learning multiple skills while not really focusing on getting good at any one in particular to find out if there is one they excel in or if they are just terrible at all of them. And the other set of children would focus on one skill and see if they are amazing at that one thing, or if they would be better off working in an office.

The "Dancing Bear" Study:

The purpose of this study would be to find out if babies like videos of dancing bears.

They will play videos of dancing bears for the babies and see if they like it.

I may disguise myself as a baby just to be able to participate in this one.

The "Music of my Life" Study:

This study will try to determine whether or not a baby who listens to a certain type of music, despite the life they were born into, will being to believe that they are a part of that culture instead of their own.

A child will be placed in a isolated chamber and played a certain style of music exclusively. Obviously they will be visited by their parents and others who will feed and care for them. But those visiting are not allowed to try to influence their baby in any way or give them any family history. This will go on for the child'smost formative years. After the necessary period of time the child will be released into society to find out what culture they identify with. Is our culture learned or genetic? That is a question this study desires to answer.

An example of some of the styles of music the child would be exposed to; rock and roll, heavy metal, punk rock, classical, jazz, hip hop, gangster rap, soul, pop music, polka, and so on.

My hope is to get Delia listening to jazz in this study. I think a baby that could scat would be adorable. I guess they kind of do that anyway, but not with the necessary style.

Paternity Leave - The Finale

2011-09-09T14:07:00.001-07:00

Today marks the end of my two weeks of paternity leave. I have mixed feelings.

Part of me is a little relieved. It is extremely stressful taking care of a baby full time. I don't feel the need to mark any specific examples (besides the pee geyser which, thinking back, was more funny than stressful), but just being responsible for another life has so much pressure built into it, and added to that is the pressure of not blowing it, all the while the child is screaming for no discernible reason and all that can be done is guess at what they want. I never wanted someone to be able to communicate so badly. I think that was the worst part of it to me . . . not being able to ask Delia,

"what do you need? I am more than happy to get it for you, just tell me what you want."

And have her say, "Well, stupid, I shat in my pants a couple moments ago, so if you wouldn't mind getting that taken care of that would be great!"

"Great!" I would say, "I can do that for you. Thanks for telling me, despite the obvious attitude."

Also, I think I went through my mourning period for Maria and I's independent life. I miss it . . . a lot. Just being able to come home and enjoy each others company without anything else to focus on. But, this is bringing growth and (I didn't know that this was possible) more love to our relationship. I can not begin to express how much Maria means to me, and seeing that we haven't killed each other in the past 8 weeks takes away the worry of us killing each other for the next several years.

Another part of me is sad that this time I had with Delia is over. It has been incredible to be here to watch her grow and participate in her early life in such a significant way, even though she has no idea (that I know of) that 'dad' was the one fiddling with her the past two weeks. It has just been a really good way for me to bond with her. To start with, since Maria was home with her and essentially the only one feeding her, there was a certain distance there. But, I think this helped to close that particular gap for me.

It is somehow much more difficult to express the joy that I have felt these past two weeks. So I am just going to include this little video I took of Delia this morning. This says more than I ever could about how wonderful she is and how happy Maria and I are to be able to call her our daughter.

I just want to express my extreme thanks to Maria for putting up with me these past two weeks, and helping me build my baby confidence in leaps and bounds. You are definitely my better half.

And thank you, Delia, from the bottom of my heart, for simply being here and enriching our lives in unknown and infinite ways.

Oh, and since I have been home with her, Delia has watched nearly the entire Stanley Kubrick film catalog. I think her favorite was Full Metal Jacket, which surprised me. Delia is just brimmed full of surprises . . . just like her mother.

a brief history of Delia Arlette Schultz

2011-08-29T11:20:00.000-07:00

On July 17th, 2011 Maria Arlette Schultz, after 21 hours of labor, gave birth to Delia Arlette Schultz at 9:37 PM. Maria was incredible throughout the labor and I could not have been more proud and amazed by her. She is an incredible woman that I am all too blessed to call my "ol' ball and chain". (I've never called her that, in most cases I refer to her as "my marvelous wife" unless I am talking to her directly, then I just call her Maria.)

The moment Delia emerged I was overwhelmed with joy, both that she was here and she was amazing, but also that Maria could finally be done with the major pain that is active labor. Those hours were frantic and it all felt so surreal. There is no way I can try to explain what I was feeling then, especially since it's been so long. All I can say is this, after the initial rush of unfathomable joy, what was left in me . . . was fear.

I did not sleep at all that night. All I did was worry about Delia, worry about Maria, worry about our future as a family, and whether or not this was something that I could do. Of course I wanted children, of course I was excited that she was here and I could hold her, but no matter of preparation could have made me completely comfortable with the fact that Maria and I (mostly Maria (just joking)) are responsible for an entire human life. Not just the baby years, not just toddler time, an entire life. It's still overwhelming when I think of it that way, but now it excites me, to think of the possibilities of Delia's life. She, literally, could do anything. And it will be fun to see who she becomes.

The past 6 weeks have been pretty great, for the most part. The first day home was stressful and terrible. But, as time goes on, the more we develop the necessary skills and enjoy our time with Delia, watching her change and grow and gain weight (just like her dad). She is beginning to smile a lot, just not quite on purpose yet, and she has started to coo a little bit. It's amazing how such little changes make such a big difference.

Today I started my paternity leave of two weeks. Two weeks of just Dad and Delia. I was worried at first, and will continue to be only less so as the days progress. But, there was a moment today, just after I had fed her for the second time, that she fell asleep on my chest after I had burped her. Immediately my mind went to all of the things I should be doing; laundry, house cleaning, bill paying, etc. But, then I looked out the patio window, which was open and a breeze was coming in, and a beautiful song by Bjork came on, I watched the leaves quiver in the wind and felt Delia breathing on my chest, and I knew that nothing was more important than that moment. It was just a man and his daughter relaxing on a sunny summer day. The only thing that would have made it better was if Maria had been there, sleeping on the couch (or making me a sandwich (of course I am kidding)).

We are a family, and I can not wait for every little moment like that. Because that's what makes all of the stress worth it.

"now that you're three months old i think it would be good for you to start thinking about what you want to do with your life."

2011-07-12T18:48:00.000-07:00

Maria had a text book from her undergraduate studies that she gave me to read since we will soon become parents, Parenting in Contemporary Society. When she handed me the book she did not say, "you need to read this because of the two of us you have the higher chance of f---ing this up." She just gave it to me because she thought I might find it interesting, and I have.

I have only made it to page 6 (it's pretty dense (a.k.a. little letters)). But in those six pages it has managed to both excite and worry me a great deal. I especially enjoyed the part about how many marriages suffer because of children. Lucky for us we are having this child to solve the problems we are having. Of course I am kidding, I love Maria so much it hurts and I will love the little lady a huge amount as well. I know there is going to be stressful situations, and stress placed on the marriage, but we love each other (and our soon-to-be new born child) enough to get through it, with the help of God.

But, what I found really interesting was the reasons that people have children.

"The subjects in the . . . study saw parenthood as a way to contribute to society, achieve immortality, experience love and life's fuller meaning, remember and re experience their own childhood, achieve sex role fulfillment, stimulate feelings of pride, and achieve personal growth."

Some of these seemed surprisingly selfish to me. For example, to achieve personal growth or to stimulate feelings of pride. Those may be valid reasons for some, and please if you had children for those reasons please don't be mad at me, but to achieve personal growth wouldn't it be easier to take a pottery class in the evenings or take up jogging? Those could also stimulate feelings of pride. "I jogged a marathon today" or "My pottery will be featured in this months Pots on Pots magazine" (which is a magazine which features artful pottery placed on toilets, classy). I'm swelling with pride just pretending to have accomplished those things.

But, then I think about it, why am I having a child? I am not going to presume to know Maria's reasons. But I will say that she is the most caring and loving person, so I bet it is so she has a little human doll. Just kidding. Maria loves children and is going to be an amazing mother, and I am sure her reasons are nothing but noble.

I don't know if I can pin down my "one reason" that I want this child. For a while I didn't think I would ever have children because I wouldn't ever get married. But, when Maria and I started dating that all changed. I could see myself getting married, then we got married. Then I could see myself having a child, but, to be honest, the excitement about having a child didn't really hit me until after we found out Maria was pregnant. Before that happens, it's just a vague idea. "Yeah, we would like to have children some day." You think about having a baby for a little while, then you get excited about taking your older kids camping or knife throwing (that last one might just be for Maria and I, who are both avid knife tossers). Then you think about the teen years and how much fun that will be.

Then you start trying and it gets a little more real, but it still doesn't hit home. Then it happens. Your wife calls you at work one day with news that blindsides you with joy and fear and you sit in a conference room stunned, trying to wrap your head around the idea that you will both be responsible for a human life. It's difficult to describe, but your heart is full of love and your head is full of worry. At that point I didn't entertain the thought "why do I want kids." At that point it's, "we are having a child, can we do that?" Well, too late for that now. We can and we will and we will do our best.

Why? I like the statement that it's to "experience love and life's fuller meaning." I have experienced love throughout my life, my mom and dad (who are going to be incredible grandparents), my brother (the best uncle ketchup could ask for), my beautiful wife, her parents (already awesome grandparents and will continue to be so), her sister and her husband (magnificent aunt and uncle), our niece and nephew (cool cousins), and all of our friends (loving pep peps and TBA auntie nickname), and our families (great extensions). But, this will be a love that I can not even conceive of right now. Just feeling her kick Maria in her uterus (way to go little lady!) I feel my heart well up in a way that is new to me. I have a feeling this is as close as I will ever get to the way God feels about us, and that will shed a new light on a faith that can only grow.

There is no doubt that this will show "life's fuller meaning" in a way that I won't comprehend until I am in it, or even after she has moved off to join a convent (men are evil, Little Lady, don't forget it). I am excited to find out how much she will teach us, probably more than we will teach her. I am excited to see how much like Maria and I she will be, but even more so how different she will be. I am just so excited to meet this new person and I pray that I don't screw her up by letting her watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Ren and Stimpy with me. We won't get into the Stanley Kubrick films until she's at least 12.

I do know one thing that I want to teach her though, and this refers to the title of this blog ("finally!" say the reader(s)), I want her to start thinking about what she wants to do with her life earlier than I did, what her calling is. Do not misinterpret, I love my life. I couldn't ask for anything better. Only in the work department do I feel a little disheartened at times. And this is not the end of the line. I will not be there forever, I will find something that makes me happy to do 8 hours a day. Even if it is being a stay at home dad (breadwinner Maria, make this happen *wink*) which I would love.

I just want my child to know that it is important to think about what calling she feels that she is being drawn to. What path she is being lead to take. What work would make her heart full. And, no doubt, she will be amazing at whatever it is and Maria and I will support her in her dreams. Even if all she wants to do is cure cancer, even something as minuscule as that, we will be proud of her.

Just thinking about our daughter pursuing her dreams makes me want to work at achieving mine (whatever they may be, I'm a little preoccupied at the moment). And I will.

Maybe this is what the book meant by "achieve personal growth", having this child makes me want to become a better person so that she has someone to look up to. Maria has that in the bag, I will do my best to make that happen on my end.

I love you little lady, I hope to meet you soon.

Maria, a special message to you . . .

"Push her out, push her out, WAAAAAAAAAAAAY OUT!"

reflections on prenatal classes

2011-06-15T21:01:00.001-07:00

Maria and I finished our 6 week crash course in labor and parenting tonight. We went to six 2 1/2 hour classes, and 4 out of the six were devoted to labor.

The first night was designed to scare the s--- out of you. In giving a brief introduction to the process of labor, we were immediately overwhelmed by the process and wished we had not signed up for the class. I don't remember anything really specific about it, probably because it was traumatic and I fought to forget everything I heard.

The next couple of nights served to calm us down a bit and ease our concerns about whether or not we could do this. It was helpful to get the calming techniques and a little bit more of an idea about what to expect and how to deal with different situations. I did take things seriously for the most part . . . but I did get scolded by Maria whilst practicing some breathing because I kept cracking jokes. In my defense, I was in a room full of pregnant women and their baby daddies who are all swaying and breathing in patterns. I was uncomfortable, so I made jokes. Come show time, I will probably not find anything funny about it so I will just focus. But, I do understand why she was frustrated, and even though she was a little annoyed at me, she still laughed at my jokes.

We did learn about drugs and c-sections . . . and this is what I got out of it: regardless of how easy one tries to make it, there is no really easy way to give birth to a living human. I am so proud of Maria for her bravery and determination in the face of something that seems impossible. She is an amazing woman . . . and she has lived with me for over 3 years (the pain and suffering from that experience would probably prepare her to become an octo-mom).

The fifth night was "taking care of your new born". This was only given one night, so it must not be very important, although it was to me. Keeping this child alive is goal number one. I think goal number two is using the term "buccal swab" as much as possible. I learned it that night and have been annoying Maria with it ever since (she is such a trooper). I don't know why, but it just struck me as hilarious. If you want to know what it means, just ask. I have one scheduled for next week (just to be sure).

This evening was about breast feeding. At first I thought it was strange that an entire class would be devoted to learning what to feed breasts . . . but then I understood. Silly me.

One quick note to all the "fathers to be" in the class . . . shut the f--- up. You may think you have a funny comment, but you don't. I know you want all the other guys in the class to think you are going to be the cool dad, or you don't want people to know you actually care about becoming a parent so you make little comments about hooking your Playstation up to the television in the hospital's birthing room whilst your wife gives birth. Why don't you "man" up and do the adult thing and listen? You're going to be a father soon, and you can have a lot of fun doing that. But along with that fun comes a huge responsibility, so quit making stupid jokes about drinking and listen. I know I have probably made some jokes about parenting that someone will come back at me with . . . but even though I have a sense of humor about this process, that doesn't mean I am not taking this deadly seriously.

okay, that last paragraph was a tad harsh, maybe those dumb jokes are their way of coping with what is a confusing and stressful time, but that doesn't make it any less annoying to me.

All that said, it was a good experience and Maria and I can not wait to meet the little lady (not too early, and not too late though)! I can't even describe how happy we both are, and scared, and stressed, and ecstatic, and all sorts of emotions. But, when she emerges from the womb, and I am revived from the fainting spell I will inevitably have, Maria and I will be the two happiest people in the world. It will be amazing to look at our daughter and see a future full of possibilities, hope, and most of all, love. We are going to be blubbering messes (happy tears) . . . please bring some tissues if you plan on visiting the hospital.

*a quick note on the picture, this is the men learning how to be chairs.

2011-03-15T19:54:00.000-07:00

"The opposite of faith is not doubt: It is certainty."

quote from an unknown source heard whilst listening to two Jesuit priests discussing science and religion.

let's watch something else warning - explicit images

2011-01-31T18:08:00.000-08:00

So, as many of you know, Maria and I are expecting a child. Which is exciting, joyful, scary, and stressful all at the same time. We are both doing what we can to prepare for our heir to come in July. There is so much to do, and so much to learn, before we can feel as ready as possible to become parents. And as we try and learn as much as we can, we also see the benefit of trying to avoid some of the horror stories out there that would really just make us worry more than we already are/need to.

So, to avoid this unnecessary worry, I have compiled a list of movies I am going to avoid watching until the big day. Here is the first:

This film features Gina Davis giving birth to a fly larvae and as you can see in the photo below, it is kind of disturbing. It turns out in the movie that (spoiler alert) it is just a nightmare. But, even so, who is to say this might not happen to us? I don't know if I have any genetic mutations, but I did spend a lot of time near radioactive material when I was a child. But, if I am a mutant, we would just hope that our child has super powers instead of turning out to be a human baby size maggot.

Of course Maria and I are not going to have a maggot baby, but if I were to watch that movie, I would be more concerned about having a maggot baby than I would need to. So, let's watch something else.

The next film:

Maria might want me to watch this one because of the scene in which a man finally feels the pain of birth (of course it is an alien monster tearing it's way out of his chest, this is not the natural course). But, as much as Maria would want me to, I am going to avoid watching it because it would hit a little too close to home. And, in an irrational way, it would probably get me to thinking, "what if the baby did decide to come out of Maria's chest?" I like Maria too much to even entertain the thought, and that would probably mean that our child is an alien monster. No one wants that.

I hope sympathy pains don't get this extreme. Let's watch something else.

The next film:

I am going to avoid this one, not because macaulay culkin plays an evil child, but because macaulay culkin is in it. It would bother me to have a child that turned out like macaulay culkin. Scary.

Let's watch something else.

The last film:

This is a film about a killer baby. Pure an simple, I would not want our baby to kill people. That would be a real bummer. "Hey, here's our pride and joy. Don't get too close, it'll eat your face." Anyway, if our baby was homicidal, I would hope that it is a little cuter than the murderous baby below. People would probably be a little more forgiving of a killer baby if it leaned to the cute side.

But, I just don't want to worry about having a killer baby. So let's watch something else.

happy new year

2011-01-02T18:17:00.001-08:00

Happy new year from Benny Banjo. His new year resolution? To not change a damn thing.

fred basset - a comic strip that "sheds" light on our dark times

2010-12-08T21:16:00.001-08:00

In the comic strip, Fred Basset by Alex Graham, we see that Fred, the dog, is hilariously sending a "b-mail" as opposed to an e-mail. Not only does this bark mail punch line provide hours of uproarious laughter, I think it provides some pretty serious commentary on the state of communication in this day and age.

In the first panel we see Fred's owner sitting at his computer, presumably sending an email. He is completely disconnected, blank stare, back turned away from his best friend, Fred, typing away oblivious to the world around him.

Now, Fred, on the other hand sees this as an opportunity for real communication. He does not just sit in front of a screen. He goes outside, facing the world around him, and calls out to his friend. We don't see it, but I bet Jock would respond in the next panel, and after that they would get together for some good old fashion dog fun. Not only this, but as Fred send his "b-mail" he wears an exuberant expression on his face. Probably partly because he knows he is being clever, but mostly, because he is really communicating with those that he loves.

That is where the message lies in this genius bit of comic wit. Humanity has lost touch, with each other and with ourselves. We not longer communicate, but rely on electronics and magic to get our message out there. Case in point, I am using the Internet to get my feelings about this comic strip. I should be out there on the streets, talking about that truth that lies in the soul of Fred Basset. Fred (dogs/nature in general) have the right idea. They still use eye contact, voices, and emotion to communicate with each other.

Humanity needs to take a lesson from this hound, let's re-open our lines of direct communication, and send a few "b-mails" of our own.

a gift from a feline neighbor

2010-10-11T14:43:00.000-07:00

Maria and I received a housewarming gift from the next door neighbor's cat, Mooch. When I got back from my walk this morning the cat was sitting on our patio and next to it was a little bloodied bird. As I approached the cat ran away, and the little bird just sat there. It was still alive but very much injured. There was nothing I could do, so I stepped inside.

After I removed my shoes a looked out the patio windows and saw that Mooch was now playing with the injured bird instead of killing it. But the bird managed to flutter away under the power of one injured but operational wing. I did not see where it went, but the cat followed it and I did not see how the quarrel ended.

To Mooch,

Maria and I appreciate the gesture, but wish you would have gotten us something more useful. Even if the bird had been dead, there wasn't enough meat on it to have a meal. Next time, bring a fruit basket or something.

Matt Lauer - Bear Whisperer

2010-07-29T20:48:00.000-07:00

There was a story on the Today show that aired on the morning of July 29th about a few bears attacking campers in Yellowstone National Park. There was one fatality and two injuries. As of this morning they had not found the bears that had attacked the campers. But, an official spoke on behalf of the park about the measures being taken to control the situation. Specifically, they closed all of the camp grounds and began a major search for any bear in the area. After the interview, Matt Lauer made a simple statement. He said,

"It sounds like they are taking all the right steps."

The show then continued to be terrible. But this statement struck me as odd. How would Matt Lauer know what the "right steps" would be to control possible bear attack? Does he have some sort of experience with bears that the public does not know about? So I asked him.

Below is the transcript from an interview I did with Matt Lauer concerning his amazing bear controlling skills.

In the photo above Matt Lauer explains how he calms a bear down by squeezing it's playful parts.

Adam: Matthew, may I call you Matthew?

Matthew: Yes you may.

A: Matthew, how did you first become interested in bears and bear controlling.

M: I was about 7 and my family went camping, in a forrest somewhere, and a bear wandered into our camp because it could smell the bacon I was looking at. It came at me in a relatively aggressive way and my dad shot it in the belly. It took quite a while for it to die, and as I sat and watched it struggle I tried to calm it down. I sang to it, petted it, but eventually calmed it down by squeezing it's playful parts. The bear then seemed to go very peacefully into the next world. So, I began my studies of the bear after that experience.

A: You said you sang it a song . . . what song was it?

M: "The wheels on the bus." by the Rolling Stones.

A: Since you had such a love of bears, how did you end up in Television news? Sorry, I didn't mean to say news. It really isn't news is it, it's kind of a glorified TMZ.

M: Correct. I focused my energy on bears and their playful parts all through college and worked in a lot of campsites in known bear country finding bears and calming them down. As I developed this skill, I learned how to control potentially dangerous bear situations. But, I was also becoming very interested in Television news and the wonderful clothes involved.

A: The clothes made you interested in working on Television?

M: Yes, doing my bear calming job I did not wear any clothes. Well, except for some shorts, in case I came across any campers. So when I saw the pretty suits, I just became enthralled by it. So I started doing Television news the next day.

A: That happened pretty quick for you.

M: Any idiot can do it.

A: I bet it takes real skill to "bear whisper".

M: It does. And, I still "whisper" bears every now and again to make sure I keep those muscles toned, if you know what I mean. But, really, it's kind of in my muscle memory. I will never forget the experiences I have had with bears.

A: And I am sure the bears will always remember the experiences they have had with you.

M: I made sure of that.

A: Do you stay in touch with any of the bears you used to calm?

M: There are a few that I have been able to stay friends with . . . but for the most part no. It's just that bear life and man life don't really mix all that well sometimes. I mean, would a bear be able to behave in a restaurant?

A: In my opinion, no.

M: You're absolutely right. I could calm the bear down, but that would make everyone else in the restaurant uncomfortable and scared. And since I am a part of the news media I see it as part of my job to not frighten people unnecessarily.

A: You are very noble.

M: I am aware of that, thank you.

In the end, this interview showcased for me the expertise that is hidden in our news anchors. When they make those comments at the end of the story, they know what they are talking about. So in summation I would like to say . . . trust the news media, otherwise we will all die from the trace amounts of rat poison that are in our face soap that we didn't know was there but is, and every time we wash our face we ingest it.

Matt Lauer in his "bear whispering" outfit. I could see how a bear would enjoy this.

*interview with Matt Lauer not real . . . no duh*

tragedy lies behind the demand for fresh seafood in the gulf

2010-07-06T20:21:00.000-07:00

2010-06-20T18:36:00.000-07:00

so, if any of you have spoken to me recently i have been gibbering on and on about how much i love the X-Files. i am late in finding the show, when it was on TV i did not watch it due to a combination of being a child who was easily frightened (i had a hard time with The Penguin in Batman Returns, but who isn't a little scared of Danny Devito?) and my parents not being too keen on the show.

but, much to the chagrin of Maria (who i am sure is tired of hearing about it, even though she is kind enough to listen and every so often watch with me (she supports me in my interests because she is a wonderful wife)), i have delved into the X-Files universe and can not get past how great this show is, even though i am only into the 2nd season.

compared to TV today, f*** you Jersey Shore, it is a Beethoven symphony. this show entertains, makes you care about these characters, asks some pretty interesting spiritual and philosophical questions, and is just some good wholesome creepy fun.

the episode i wanted to focus on briefly was the episode of the X-Files entitled "irresistible". the episode is about a man who likes to collect hair, finger nails, and eventually fingers, off of previously dead bodies, and as the show progresses, people that he has killed. it was an interesting episode mostly because it was a reference to Jeffery Dahmer, which was a situation that occurred during the time this show was on the air (1994), and because it takes place in . . . THE TWIN CITIES!

it made the cities look as if the place was crawling with hookers and fetishists. but, i hate to say it, they got it right. just recently a friend of mine was propositioned in downtown St. Paul by a prostitute (honestly, i was out on my nightly round and didn't recognize him. i wouldn't have said anything if i had. too bad though, i would have rocked his world). But, even Mulder was excited to go to a Vikings game. unfortunately he wasn't able to make it to the game due to the finger loving murderer, but he watched it on TV.

but what does bother me is that Iowa got alien abductions, Wisconsin got kids and cows being treated with alien DNA and being told it was the bovine growth hormone, but Minnesota, we get this guy . . .

(he's smelling hair).

way to go MN, dream big.

The Truth Is Out There.

2010-06-03T13:16:00.000-07:00

It is amazing how much music can affect us. A song can instantly change our mood, remind of something, or just fill us with awe that someone composed such great art (which is my general reaction to classical music, but there are a few pieces that truly affect me emotionally).

I am going to post some of the lyrics to songs that move me in some amazing way. So here is the first one, there will be more to come.

Mineral

End Serenading

Will you come and what will I say
Oh I have been so distant and unhappy
Like I could disappear

When I was a boy I saw things
That no one else could see
So why am I so blind at twenty-two
To the hope that is all around me
Filling up this room

On the road on my own
Waiting for the words to fall from your tongue
Into my ears

When I was a boy I could hear
Symphonies in seashells
So why am I so deaf at twenty-two
To the sound of the driving snow
That drives me home to you

I was going to write about what this song means to me, but I decided that might cheapen it a little. If you want to know what I think, ask me next time I see you. But for now, please read them, and see if they mean anything to you. Please check out the song, it is incredible.

2010-01-12T20:21:00.000-08:00

i'm a whiner . . . at least when it comes to this blog i'm a whiner. maria and i watched Julie and Julia last weekend, or sometime (i try to forget), and Julie just whines through the entire movie and it annoyed me greatly.

so, i am going to quit whining on this blog (except after the oscars, we'll see how it goes). positivity folks, that's where it's at.

BOOM! SMILES!

my plan is to eat the one with it's mouth open. i don't like it's attitude.

stupid cars

2010-01-10T12:40:00.000-08:00

Report on vehicle incidents.

01.06.10 - driving to work, had to stop suddenly, and was rear ended gently. stupid driver, no damage.

01.09.10 - had driven to Duluth Friday night and back from Duluth Saturday and was backed into when we arrived home. took place in our parking lot, several feet from parking and safety. stupid driver (didn't look before backing up), left headlight damaged and hood dented.

01.09.10 - was informed by close friends, will remain anonymous for security reasons, that due to a stupid act of vandalism, two tires on their car were slashed and flat. 80 other cars in the parking lot suffered the same fate. stupid bored idiots, severe tire damage.

here ends the transmission.

stories are important

2009-10-14T18:44:00.000-07:00

fairy tales are more than true:

not because they tell us that dragons exist,

but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.

- G.K. Chesterton

quote taken from the novel "Coraline" by Neil Gaiman

illustration from "Coraline" by Dave McKean

opinions . . .

2009-09-24T19:34:00.001-07:00

do they matter?

maybe, maybe not.

the End of the Line

2009-08-07T21:59:00.000-07:00

Maria and I went and saw this film tonight . . . it needs to be seen by as many other people as it can.

The issue of over-fishing does not get the light of day and I think it is a big enough issue that it should be getting some very serious attention paid to it. It is not just because I love the oceans, it is not just because the creatures of the sea are some of the most spectacular creatures on the planet, it is also because I love humanity.

If we continue to over fish a huge food source for the planet will have been squandered, and only so that the rich can get richer by breaking the rules and ruining things for the honest fisherman. I do not have an issue with local fisherman who are trying to earn a living, what I do have a problem with is the huge fishing conglomerates that are draining the ocean of fish and making it even harder for those local fishermen to make a living.

Fishing does not need to stop, but it does need to be controlled. And there are things that we can do to help as well. The film does a much better job of explaining these things than I do, so please go and see it. It is playing now through Thursday at the Lagoon theater in Uptown.

Here are a few things from the film that infuriate me and just prove that the human race tends to be wasteful and reckless.

The majority of the fish caught is called "by-catch". That means that these fish are unwanted and so are allowed to die aboard the ship and tossed back into the ocean.

Fish "farming" actually kills more fish than it produces. Live fish are caught and ground up into fish meal to feed the fish in these "farms". The fish in the pens only grow in size, they do not reproduce. There is nothing produced using these methods, more is just being used.

Trolling is a method of fishing by which a net is weighted and drug along the bottom of the sea. Entire eco-systems are destroyed using this method of fishing. To use an image from the book, imagine if we were to do that in the African plains, if a net was drug through that land and lions, elephants, and everything else was destroyed. There would be an outcry, no lament is made for the beauty of the oceans.

Please see it. Read the book by Charles Clover. Visit http://endoftheline.com/film/.

Thank you.

Please check this out, it's important Shark Related

2009-08-03T17:00:00.000-07:00

http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-US&vid=a8545898-cf74-4476-b09d-66f0293d464b

words that I need to live by

2009-07-27T20:30:00.000-07:00

"Both the Conservatives and the progressives seem to me to be full of the same kind of intolerance, arrogance, empty-headedness, and to be dominated by different kinds of conformism: in either case the dread of being left out of their reference group."

Thomas Merton
July 3, 1968

" How true it is that the great obligation of the Christian, especially now, is to prove himself a disciple of Christ by hating no one, that is to say, by condemning no one, rejecting no one. And how true that the impatience that fumes at others and damns them (especially whole classes, races, nations) is a sign of the weakness that is still unliberated, still not tracked by the Blood of Christ, and is still a stranger to the Cross."

Thomas Merton
July 22, 1963

if you don't believe in ghosts or santa claus here is your proof

2009-07-05T19:55:00.000-07:00

2009-06-10T19:02:00.000-07:00

If we are ever going to have peace again, we will have to hate war for some better reasons than that we fear to lose our houses, or our refrigerators, or our cars, or our legs, or our lives. If we are ever to get peace, we have got to desire something more than reefers and anesthetics - but that is all we seem to want: anything to avoid the pain.

It is terrifying that the world doesn't wake up to this irony: that at a time when all our desire is nothing but to have pleasant sensations and avoid painful sensations, there should be almost more pain and suffering and brutality and horror, and more helplessness to do anything about it, than there ever was before!

-Thomas Merton- June 25th, 1940

shoes on the road

2009-05-06T21:45:00.001-07:00

when i see shoes on the road it disturbs me.

it isn't that someone threw out a pair of shoes, or that someone lost a pair of shoes.

it makes me think that there was some sort of accident there and that someone died,

and all that was left was their shoes.

2009-04-15T21:58:00.000-07:00

some recent happenings . . . some are true, some are lies. you figure it out.

maria was recently trapped in a bathroom during a blackout.

i discovered that i have five nipples.

my ears have been plugged for about a week now.

maria and i gave a drunk woman (she was drinking gin and juice) a ride to nowhere in particular.

a snake bit maria and i sucked the poison out of the wound . . . at least that's what i told her.

maria was stung by a bee and peed on in the span of about an hour.

a lamp was given to us.

every sunday i have to take Peptobismol because i get nervous poops.

maria quit her job and is now a flight attendant with Southwest Airlines.

i quit my job and took a job from someone else . . . sucker.

maria and i watched the Ricky Gervais stand up special twice since we bought it.

i now understand the meaning of life . . . and i am not going to share it with anyone.

i want to get a shark tattoo.

i should probably go to bed.

2009-02-25T18:37:00.000-08:00

stupid van. . .
stupid work. . .

blessed life.

it's hard to justify complaining when there really isn't anything worth complaining about.

Thank God.

Happy Lent.

an excersise in futility

2009-02-11T20:52:00.001-08:00

i was going to write an angry blog about how much i hate McDonald's coffee commercials. after i had written part of it i realized that there really wasn't any good reason to do that. so, instead, here are some funny pictures of pug dogs. enjoy.

Love's as warm as tears: by C.S. Lewis

2009-02-08T08:10:00.000-08:00

Love's as warm as tears,
Love is tears:
Pressure within the brain,
Tension at the throat,
Deluge, weeks of rain,
Haystacks afloat,
Featureless seas between
Hedges, where once was green

Love's as fierce as fire,
Love is fire:
All sorts--Infernal heat
Clinkered with greed and pride,
Lyric desire, sharp-sweet,
Laughing, even when denied,
And that empyreal flame
Whence all loves came.

Love's as fresh as spring,
Love is spring:
Bird-song in the air,
Cool smells in a wood,
Whispering "Dare! Dare!"
To sap, to blood,
Telling "Ease, safety, rest,
Are good; not best."

Love's as hard as nails,
Love is nails:
Blunt, thick, hammered through
The medial nerves of One
Who, having made us, knew
The thing He had done,
Seeing (what all that is)
Our cross, and His.

The Pursuit part III

2008-12-21T20:58:00.000-08:00

The Pursuit part III

Arty stood in the entry way of the church waiting for the funeral service to be over. It was a bright fall day. The sun pierced through the dying trees and made them almost glow with color. Bright reds and oranges burning against the blue, cloudless sky. His wife stood next to him, although she would have rather been in a separate room. It was Arty’s fault that her son was left to die in the woods. She couldn’t believe that he would just leave his son like that, how he could be so careless. But there was no point in making it known to everybody how she felt. It was easier to pretend for the time being. She would never tell Arty what she thought either; she would just become more and more distant. That would be his punishment, an increasingly miserable home life. Maybe he would die next, that would be true justice.
Arty knew if wasn’t his fault, but couldn’t help but feel that it was. Had they stayed at the cabin a few days longer instead of going home maybe they could have found him. They stayed two weeks longer than they had planned. Everyday they went in search of his son, trying to find any sign of him. Search groups had been called in. It felt as if they had searched the entire forest. In reality they only covered a small portion. The experts had made a graph and created boundaries. “He couldn’t go any further than this,” they would say. He knew they were wrong. Graphs can’t account for reality. Anything is possible. The closest they came to finding him was a deer carcass that looked as though it had been gutted with a knife. It may have been the deer they had been looking for in the first place.
“Whenever you’re looking for something you always end up finding something else, and it’s never something better.” Arty mumbled to himself as he walked out of the church. Everybody else had gotten into their cars and waited to follow the hearse holding the empty casket out to the cemetery. Arty stood alone under the fire red leaves of the trees outside of the church. His wife sat in the car crying quietly, waiting for the husband she couldn’t forgive to drive her to the cemetery to her son’s grave. The casket was hoisted into the hearse. Arty made his way towards his car. He wished they would have at least found the body. At least then he could have said goodbye.

He wasn’t sure how long it had been since he had burned the maps. After it had rained everything was wet and the only thing he could find to burn was the paper in his bag. It had started burning when he realized what he had used to start the fire. Panic set in, he tried to grab at the maps and he burned his hand. They were useless now. He was as good as dead.
He didn’t stray far from the deer at first. It was a source of food, but he couldn’t bring himself to kill it. He needed to wait for it to die. He would have had no trouble shooting it from yards away, but up close, it was too real. The deer stared at him with fear in its eyes. It shook and tried to get up. This creature was so strong not very long ago, but now it is helpless. It felt wrong to not give it a chance. So he waited. Once it died he took some meat and stood over it. He wondered how old it was, if it had ventured very far from this area of forest, and if it understood what was happening to it once that bullet hit. He imagined that it didn’t.
After the maps had been burned it was day after day of looking for a stream or any sounds to follow. He didn’t know what to do in this situation so all he could do was try something, anything, to find his way back. At night he would try to find the North Star, but the clouds covered everything. It was black. It was hopeless. Try as he might he could never find what he was looking for. It was always one ravine after another, surrounded by inextinguishable landscape. Everything blended together, and worked perfectly together. He was amongst the perfection of nature, but he struggled because he was not part of it. He no longer understood how it worked and so could not participate in its perfection. The only way he could contribute is in death. His body would bring life to the undergrowth by decaying. He continued to search for home.
He ate whatever he could. It was not long before he was out of ammunition and could no longer hunt. He drank from tiny streams and rain water. He was able to step into nature every once in a while, borrow what he needed and become an outsider again. He could still never be a part of it. He tried all he could to learn from it.
Eventually he found the way. He could not say how.
He stood outside of the cabin where his father had worried and cried over the loss of his son. He stood outside of the cabin and saw that there were no lights on. No one was there. Just an empty box buried deep in nature. A human attempt at becoming a part of the perfection. He stood outside. He knew there was a phone inside. He would go in, pick it up and call home. “I’m going to be fine.” He’d tell them.

picking over the carcass

2008-11-13T19:22:00.000-08:00

One moment the scene is calm. There are remains all over the place. A few choice bits, but not enough for everyone. So that means the quick get a bite while the slow must fend for themselves.

Once the scent is picked up there is a flurry of activity. Jockeying for position the predators push and shove there way to the meal. They don't have much time, a chance like this doesn't happen everyday. Not in this barren wasteland. They maintain social order as they mangle the leftovers.

Within minutes there is nothing left. A few stragglers, who gained knowledge of the feast seconds too late, amble by trying to pretend that they didn't show up for the food. They're just on their way to the copier.

these are not vultures. these are desperate office people trying to get a bit of free leftover food from a meeting. i was one of them, i took two plates. it was worth it.

it's sad when that is the most exciting part of your day. free cold leftovers.

2008-11-04T18:56:00.000-08:00

i voted. i hope everyone else did too.

dylan

2008-09-19T15:31:00.000-07:00

i miss my brother.

i miss my role model.

i miss my friend.

i miss my band mate.

i know he's not dead. i still miss him.

on a side note i miss kitcar. i had some the best times of my life in that band and it is pretty hard to believe that it is over. Rest In Peace Kitcar.

best of luck to mackenzie too.

2008-09-16T16:17:00.000-07:00

i'm really getting tired of wasting eight hours of my life everyday.

a temporary sign off

2008-08-28T15:43:00.001-07:00

i realize that i haven't written in a while. it has been very busy: a new job, moving, and my van battery slowly dying. The schultz household has been a flurry of activity, some good, some stressful, but all moving towards beneficial changes for both of us.

so that being said, with the move (and qwest not being offered at our new apartment complex) we will be without reliable internet usage. i will not be able to write for a little while but know that i am cooking stuff up. new job, move, the next episode of 'the pursuit'. so until then . . . i hope all is well and God bless.

adam and maria

2008-08-04T21:27:00.000-07:00

e. e. cummings 95 Poems, 77

i am a little church(no great cathedral)

far from the splendor and squalor of hurrying cities

--i do not worry if briefer days grow briefest,

i am not sorry when sun and rain make april

my life is the life of the reaper and the sower;

my prayers are prayers of earth's own clumsily striving

(finding and losing and laughing and crying)children

whose any sadness or joy is my grief or my gladness

around me surges a miracle of unceasing

birth and glory and death and resurrection:

over my sleeping self float flaming symbols

of hope,and i wake to a perfect patience of mountains

i am a little church(far from the frantic

world with its rapture and anguish)at peace with nature

--i do not worry if longer nights grow longest;

i am not sorry when silence becomes singing

winter by spring,i lift my diminutive spire to

merciful Him Whose only now is forever:

standing erect in the deathless truth of His presence

(welcoming humbly His light and proudly His darkness)

a trip through time

2008-07-23T12:45:00.000-07:00

friends, i am very sorry it has been so long since i have written. i have been recuperating from an other worldly excursion of monumental scale. my dear friends i have just returned from the past. yes, we went on a trip through time. my body, and more importantly, my mind needed time to recover some sense of normalcy before i would be able to convey any of what we experienced in this most unusual holiday. i think my concept of reality and time has been altered permanently and from here forth i will not be the man who you once knew . . . i will be a little heavier. here begins my tale.

This tale starts normally enough. we had planned on going on a trip to celebrate an anniversary for some good friends of ours to wisconsin dells, wisconsin. we all met at the place where maria and i live and headed out on the long road to the dells. upon entering wisconsin a strange fog began to descend and it was starting to become hard to see. it was a dense fog, one that brought strange events that i will never be able to forget or explain. after the fog lifted things were different.

we arrived in wisconsin dells but it seemed that we entered into a time long forgotten instead of the time in which we lived, the medieval era. the first place we stopped was a place of torture.

we witnessed the ways in which both the guilty and innocent were punished and it was beyond our belief. some of the most horrific things in human history were done to man by man and we saw them first hand. there was one where a person was hung upside down and a saw was placed at this persons groin and they were sawed in half until they died, which usually didn't happen until the saw reached the navel or chest. some of us enjoyed it more than others, see above picture, and as far as i know steve is now planning on a career in corrections.

we then traveled forward in time into the time of pirates. another dangerous situation that we had to endure.

the girls made a mistake right away and insulted the captains boots and they were placed in these restraints. after they had spent their time and the captain was pleased in their punishment the ship sailed on . . . towards high seas shinanigans! we sailed to the island of wisdelsin in search of an ancient treasure. there we were confronted with 18 tasks that we had to complete before we could see the gold, and if we failed we would perish.

with the tasks completed, my mind is too foggy and i cannot remember what the tasks were, we recieved the treasure and became honorary pirates.

the next day we awoke to a great downpour and something came through the rain to pick us up . . . it was noah's ark! we had gone back to the days of the bible! for fear that we would be drowned amongst the sinners we decided to board the vessel and sail. we were at noahs ark for what felt like 40 days and nights, and we all we overcome by the sun and burned as the ship sailed. the rain and water whipped us around and the waves crashed into us. it was actually alot of fun, even though some of it was nerve wracking at the time. in our haste to board the vessel we forgot our cameras so there is no visual record of these events.

the next day we awoke in a vast forrest and heard songs drifting from a small wooded shanty. as we walked towards the sounds we saw that we were in a small lumberjack camp back when the land was still wild and unsettled. we had a damn good breakfast with these hard working gentelmen of pancakes, eggs, sausage, ham, potatoes, donuts, juice, and coffee.

we ate far too much.

after we left the breakfast hall we discovered an unknown history, one that would rock this nation to its very core.

in the past aliens had abducted the white house and placed back on the earth upside down. this was remedied by the white house being rebuilt in washington d.c. and everything to do with this other incident was kept top secret, but we discovered these ruins of the original white house.

we learned that the aliens have been constructing our presidents as robots from the beginning. that was about it, but upon exiting the ruins some amatuer chose the incorrect path and a bomb went off destroying all evidence. i will continue to tell of this true history, even if the government comes after me.

so stressful was this ordeal that we had to have a cigarette.

but as we smoked gerrit went back in time further and channeled the missing link, apeman before homosapien. so many truths were revealed to us on this trip that i cannot fathom what else could be so dramtically different than what we have been taught.

maria and i then continued on our trip while the others decided that had experienced enough revalation. in the interest of exploration and learning maria and i drove on. we arrived at a huge metropolis in which many things would be learned. the first place we went was a place where the waters of the earth still teamed with ancient beautiful creatures that were wild and untamed.

here is one of the ancient creatures we witnessed.

soon after that picture was taken it ate somebody. we went further into this wilderness and saw some beautiful creatures that have remained virtually unchanged for millions of years, sharks. standing there watching them swim through the glinting light of the sun i experienced a truly emotional feeling. admiration, adoration, awe, and inspiration flowed over me as they swam smoothly through the inky water. i felt a connection to creation at that point and actually choked up a little bit. sharks are one of the most magnificant creatures on God's earth. after we left there we rested in anticipation of what might come tomorrow.

we awoke in a world of magic, witches, wizards, talking beasts, and song. it was a marvelous sight and maria and i reveled in the spectacle. mostly maria, this has been a life long goal for her and she was able to achieve it.

we also wandered the city and took in some of the historical art work and architecture. here are some of the highlights.

maria in front of the ancient skyline.

a couple scenes from the heart of the historical city.

a (relatively) modern day tower of babel.

the next day maria and i traveled back towards minnesota unsure if we would return to modern day or stay in the past. we hoped for our own times but i think a little part of us both wanted to see things as they were back when this land was in control, not the other way around. but as we drove and got closer and closer to minnesota the fog began to fall again. i got my camera out to record it but the fog did not work in the photographs. but as we drove through the fog we felt very peculiar and i took pictures of our faces to document. these are how they turned out.

as we travelled forward in time our faces became distorted and returned to normal when we arrived in the present, well maria's did (mine still looks a little odd). after we got into our apartment we were unsure that what we experienced was truly real. did this all really happen? had we really traveled back in time and seen all of these historical truths come to life? how would we know? who would believe us?

we both needed rest, so we laid down and the next morning we awoke to something sitting on our coffee table. it was a photograph taken in the old west. we stared in disbelieve at the evidence of our backwards time travel. this was the proof . . . we had gone back in time and returned. we will always remember this trip through time with fondness. here is the proof.

vacation

2008-07-09T20:23:00.000-07:00

maria and i are going to be taking a much needed vacation. first we are going to wisconsin dells with the plantages, matt wulff, and steve kohlmann. that will be sweet. then on to chicago for a little "just the two of us" vacation. thanks to the united states government for funding the vacation with its generous economic stimulus package. i will send president bush a post card.

i'll let you know how the trip goes when we return. we are very excited to get some time away from our jobs and the twin cities. it has been awhile.

root beer

2008-07-06T20:01:00.000-07:00

these root beer's are the best. following these root beer's would be culver's, mug, and barqs (in that order). if only root beer was required for human survival, like water.

2008-07-01T18:56:00.000-07:00

a quick bit of advice:

if anyone ever asks you if you would be willing to take the responsibility of balancing and adding money to an ATM weekly, say NO.

it'll save you alot of stress.

jaws

2008-06-30T21:08:00.000-07:00

i just finished reading "Jaws" by peter benchley recently and i really enjoyed it. i know it probably seems contrary to my great love for sharks that i would read and enjoy a book that succeeded in vilifying sharks to many people. but i think that it actually did not do that.

granted there are times when the shark seems to be pure evil, eating a little boy on a raft, maniacally attacking the orca as it sinks, and so forth. but i do think that the book does a decent job of presenting an alternative viewpoint. the viewpoint that sharks are not evil by nature, they are just predators by nature. there is a character that actually has a reverence for the shark: hooper.

hooper is the marine biologist, ichthyologist to be exact (one who studies only fish). in the movie richard dreyfuss plays him. in the book he is certainly pro-shark, he is amazed by them, he sees them as the perfect predator, he views them with respect. while all the other characters around him cry out for the death of the shark he is the alternate view point, the voice of reason against revenge. the unfortunate part is i am not sure that we are supposed to side with hooper. one of the things they cut out of the movie was hopper's affair with chief brody's wife, ellen. this makes hooper unlikable in the book, and unsympathetic character. we are not supposed to identify with him and agree with his viewpoint.

but i do. putting the affair aside hooper was able to straddle the line of respect and concern for human life with scientific curiosity and respect for the fish.

and i am not so sure that we are supposed to identify with quint either. the ahab character that constantly crosses lines of dignity to achieve his goals. he poached an unborn dolphin to use as bait and gutted a blue shark just to watch it eat its own entrails and watch other sharks eat it. this kind of disregard for any type of life is repellant as well. i think benchley was trying to bring us to a sort of middle ground with brody.

brody is obviously the main focus. it is his famliy and thoughts that are focused on in the book. we are emotionally connected to brody more than any other character, and he does show both feelings about the shark on different occasions. but regardless of how the characters feel about the shark, what did the most damage to the image of the shark was the pure fear that benchley made us feel about the ocean.

he made it seem like these attacks, though rare, always ended in death. the shark always seemed to be targeting whatever it saw and had no discerning taste what-so-ever when it came to prey. we know now that great whites mostly eat seals and sea-lions because they are high in blubber content. the white shark is essentially warm blooded. it uses the high fatty content of its food to produce heat in its body so it can swim in cold waters. very rarely is a human ever eaten by a shark, we may be tested every now and again, but rarely devoured, if at all. but a shark performing a taste test does not make for good pulse pounding fear or drama.

benchley was informed in part by a documentary called "blue water, white death" which i just watched again recently. it is an acount of one film crew's journey to be the first to film a great white shark. it was made in 1971 and though we still know very little about the great white, it seems they knew even less back then. it is interesting to see how far we have come. the film has some great shots and is very interesting. but it is hard sometimes to watch the divers punch sharks that don't seem to have any intention of causing harm. at one point the female diver, valerie taylor, appears to swim up to a shark and shoot it with a boom stick, a sort of underwater gun, just to see what happens. it shoots the shark with a projectile and the shark swims in circles struggling into the deep until it disappears and most likely dies. this was the time period in which the book was written and it shows.

benchley became a huge advocate for sharks and i do respect him a great deal. and regardless of whether or not i believe his book did more harm than good it is still a fun read. the stigma that "jaws" brought upon sharks has yet to be completely lifted but i do think that it did make people interested and fascinated by sharks as well. when i first saw the film i fell in love with sharks . . . it will always be one of my all time favorite movies. and though it does seem to have done some harm, it worked in an opposite way too, and i am very thankful for that. plus it is just plain entertaining.

i will leave you with a quote from the book that pretty much sums up how i feel . . .

"that fish is a beauty, it's the kind of thing that makes you believe in a god. it shows you what nature can do when she sets her mind to it." -hooper

The Pursuit: part two

2008-06-25T20:29:00.000-07:00

Chad and Jake stopped walking long enough to put their rain gear on.
“Arty, you should really put your parka on. The rain is really coming down.” Chad didn’t like to call his father-in-law “Dad”. Since his own father passed away it felt like he was replacing him. Arty just grunted and put the ear flaps down on his hat. A little rain wasn’t going to hurt him, he had survived much worse than this. When he was ten he fell through the ice on the creek behind the farm. As his clothes grew heavy with water he sank slowly to the bottom, it felt like knives pierced every inch of his body, and as the current flowed he moved further away from the opening and under the ice. Before he passed out he could see blurred figures struggling to break the ice, to set him free. The next thing he remembered was being covered in blankets in front of the fireplace. Surviving that gave him the ability to assess true risk, if he survived falling through the ice, he could survive rain and the cold that might follow.
“Are you sure we should go back to the cabin without Ethan? Will he know to go back?” Chad asked.
“I’d be surprised if he wasn’t there when we get there.” Arty said. “He’s got the maps, he knows where to go.”
“Sure.” The drumming of the raindrops on the leaves drowned out any other sound that floated in to them. The faintest of yells did not register. Neither Chad nor Jake heard anything because the sound of the rain was amplified by the hoods on their raincoats. Arty stopped for a moment and turned. He motioned for the others to stop and listen. They stood frozen listening for anything other than the rain. No other sound waves could pass between the drops and they went unheard. They walked the rest of the way in silence.

A walk gone in a new direction

2008-06-23T20:08:00.000-07:00

As you might figure out eventually this isn't Adam writing...it's his wife. Why you might ask? Because I have a story to tell, so listen up!

Adam and I wanted to go for a walk tonight, but we didn't want to walk in our neighborhood, so we decided to go to our favorite place to walk in Roseville, Central Park. As we were driving there we noticed some commotion going on. At first I thought it was an accident because there were lights and an ambulance and a barricade. But no! It was a PARADE!!! My little heart skipped a beat. I LOVE PARADES!! I've been kind of bummed because Adam and I won't be able to go see the Albert Lea 3rd of July parade this year and I really wanted to see a parade. Apparently this week is RoseFest which is kicked off with a parade!

I did have a few complaints with the parade however. A) The people refused to throw candy to me. Okay so i realize that i am not a kid but adults like candy just as much as children do! B) Marching bands that just march to clicks...lame! C) Princesses that aren't really princesses of anything but are allowed to sit on a moving vehicle and wave to people on the street D) Marching bands that sing instead of playing their instruments. There were at least 2 bands we saw out of 5 that sang as part of their performance. The only band I was somewhat impressed with was the Champlain Park band...they played Fiddler on the Roof which was pretty good. It made me miss the days of sweating in the wool uniforms and rolling my feet.

Overall it was an evening walk well spent. We got to be part of our city's parade, people watch, and be a marching band judge. Thanks for listening!

Maria

P.S.
I want a house

a couple quick frustrations

2008-06-22T17:55:00.000-07:00

first of all, i have been listening to KDWB and Beat 96 recently and have noticed something that really bothers me (it's not just the music in general). Now that T-Pain (probably spelled T-Payne, but i'm not going to do the research) came onto the hip-hop scene and used that stupid voice modulator on every single song to hide the fact that he can't really sing now the entire hip-hop community has taken to using it constantly. it's like they just discovered this effect recently and now can't stop using it. kind of like when i was little and i discovered the armpit fart and couldn't stop doing it.

i used to hear that effect once in a while when someone wanted to sound like a robot or something but it is getting ridiculous. Every song, honestly, check it out. Kanye used it too.

secondly, maria and i went to church this morning and were greeted very nicely but had decided that we wanted to sit in the balcony. there wasn't anybody handing out bullitens by the stairs so we went to the gentleman that was standing at the doors to the floor level and took some bullitens. as we were walking back to go upstairs he said, "oh, going to be balcony bums today, huh?"

i thought this was extremely rude. he might have been trying to be funny but don't see what is so wrong about wanting to sit in the balcony once in a while. what makes a church service different from one floor to another? we sang the same songs, we said the same prayers, we listened to the same sermon, and we weren't the only people up there. let us worship on the floor of our choice please without the attitude.

i also don't like nice days in the cities because you have to fight crowds to get fresh air.

good night. i feel better.

2008-06-19T21:22:00.000-07:00

i wanted to write something but couldn't come up with anything that i wanted to keep. hopefully the next part of "the Pursuit" will be posted soon.

i'm going to bed.

my life's calling

2008-06-15T20:22:00.001-07:00

i was having a conversation with someone this past weekend and from that conversation came the inspiration for my life's calling. i finally know my purpose in life, the reason i was put here on earth, the reason i have been working at this horrible job at the bank for so long. all of that time working at the bank prepared me for my true career . . .

a male stripper.

and my theme? bank teller.

think about it. it is perfect. i can come onto the stage in full business casual. that would allow me to take off a necktie, and use that in imaginative ways. i could wear and belt and suspenders and really make the show interesting. once i got to the nitty gritty, i would be wearing briefs that read "deposit only","night deposit", or "$7 fee for cashiers checks" and the ladies, or guys, could slip the bills in. maybe i could print them a receipt somehow.

it would also work as a professional wrestling persona.

i would be "the bank teller" and i could perform such moves as the "check bounce" and the "big bill slam" (which could be moves for the strip club too, if you think about it). and before i finish off my opponent i could scream "You're overdrawn!" and slam him to the mat violently.

i feel as though there has been a great weight lifted now that i know my life's calling. now it is just a matter of filling out a g-string. . .

maybe i should go back to school.

grandpa marvin

2008-06-12T22:02:00.000-07:00

i wish i could have met my grandpa Marvin (on my dad's side).
i have a feeling that he was an incredible person.
i have seen pictures, but i wonder what he sounded and acted like.
my dad is probably alot like him, which means that i would have liked him very much.
i wonder how much my dad misses him.
i imagine that Marvin had some pretty amazing stories to tell, i wish i could have heard them.
i think about this every now and again and wonder if i will meet him in the afterlife.

i don't know, but i really hope i do.

some things i have learned today

2008-06-09T20:48:00.000-07:00

1. i don't like clogging the toilet, especially when the bowl runneth over.

2. when i re watched an episode of "the Blue Planet", the seasonal seas episode, i was reintroduced to a shark that i know little about but is very interesting. the Porbeagle Shark, or Salmon Shark, which is a shark in the mackerel family. Here, I'll let you learn for yourself . . .

The porbeagle is a member of the group known as the mackerel sharks--Isuridae or Lamnidae--probably the most notorious of all shark families. There are only three genera, Carcharodon, Lamna, and Isurus, but in these genera can be found three of the most well-known sharks ever to swim the seas: the mako, the great white, and the extinct Megalodon. All these sharks have enough in common to classify them as a single family: they share the same fusiform, tapered shape, and the same pointed snout. They all have laterally flattened caudal keels (although the porbeagle has a secondary caudal keel as well), their tails are almost equally lobed and muscular, and they have an insignificant second dorsal fin. They all swim stiffly, flexing only the tail that is strengthened by the muscular keels, and they are capable of incredible speed. Some say the mackerel sharks are the fastest animals in the sea.

The porbeagle has several common names, including mackerel shark, bonito shark, and salmon shark, derived from its preying upon, rather than its resemblance to, these fishes. The value of Linnean binomial nomenclature is obvious in a situation like this; in one location it's a porbeagle, in another it's a salmon shark, and off the coast of Maine, it's a bluedog. If it's a shark with a conical snout, sharp, narrow teeth, a symmetrical tail, and a double keel at the base of the tail, it's Lamna nasus. That's if it's found in the Atlantic. If it's found in the Pacific, it is Lamna ditropis, the Pacific porbeagle. Ditropis, by the way, means "double keel," and nasus means nose, both of which refer to the salient characteristics of the species. This double keel is unique to the genus Lamna. The upper, wide keel is similar to that of the other mackerel sharks, but the second and smaller keel, located on the lower lobe of the tail fin itself, occurs only in the porbeagles.

There is no problem in differentiating the porbeagle and the great white--the white is usually lighter in color (but not white), while the porbeagle is usually a dark bluish or brownish gray above, fading to white below. It is often makos that are mistaken for porbeagles, but the mako is a more slender fish, and it is a rich blue color above. The porbeagle also has a white patch at the posterior base of the dorsal fin.

The teeth of the mackerel sharks are interesting for reasons other than their use as a genus determinant. Most sharks have teeth that differ in the upper and lower jaws. This differentiation is based on the separate functions that the jaws perform. The lower teeth are often narrower and more pointed, and they are used to pierce and hold the prey, while the broader serrated upper teeth are protruded, and the head is twisted, thus removing a bite of flesh. In other words, the sawlike edges of the upper teeth function as a knife, while the lower teeth serve to hold the prey, much in the manner of a person carving a roast with a knife and fork. (This arrangement presupposes a prey animal too large to be engulfed in one gulp.) In the jaws of the mako and the porbeagle, both the upper and lower teeth are narrow and smooth-edged, which would indicate that both sets are used for grasping and that the prey is swallowed whole. This is borne out by many studies of the stomach contents of mackerel sharks, which show many fish more or less undamaged, except for the stablike puncture wounds made by the teeth. The teeth of the porbeagle are pointed and narrow, and they differ from those of the mako by the presence of small cusps on either side of each tooth.

Porbeagles are pan-oceanic, having been reported in the North Atlantic, the North Sea, off England, Scotland, Iceland, Newfoundland, New England, and from corresponding latitudes in the southern hemisphere. All the porbeagles can be characterized as temperate or even coldwater species. This is one of the reasons that there have been no documented attacks on swimmers; even though the porbeagle is certainly capable, there are just not very many people in the waters where the porbeagle lives.

Given its illustrious relatives, it is no wonder that the porbeagle has been given short shrift. The shark with the funny name has not been incriminated in unprovoked attacks on humane and it does not perform elaborate high jinks when it is hooked. It may appear to be the poor relation of the more flamboyant mackerel sharks, but it is a full member of the family, a swift and capable hunter. The porbeagle is not as deadly as the white or as graceful as the mako, but it is among the fastest swimmers in the sea, and therefore it ranks at the very peak of the food chain. It is the "top predator" in its own territory.

Source: The Book of Sharks by Richard Ellis

thanks for learning with me.

coming soon: The Pursuit: Part Two

The Pursuit: Part One

2008-06-02T15:47:00.001-07:00

The Pursuit: by adam schultz

We stepped into the clearing. That is where the blood trail had led us. The four of us had our safeties on and our rifle barrels pointed into the sky. The grass was up to our knees and we brushed through it carelessly. It did not matter, nature was our domain, and we were its masters. The trees groaned as the cold wind cut a path through them. Leaves fluttered to the ground and fell soundlessly on the ground and on us. We casually brushed them off and continued to search for the wounded buck. I looked over to my dad, who bent down and looked at the blades of grass for any trace of blood.
“Do you see anything, dad?” I said softly. He shook his head and stood back up. We all stopped and spun in place to see if we could spot any sign of the buck at all. It was nearing sunset and as the dying light filtered through the leaves, it was hard to make out anything but branches. We examined and dismissed any movement we saw.
“We lost him.” My brother-in-law, Chad, said. He squatted and rested his gun on his knees. He took off his hat and wiped his forehead in disappointment. “He was big, too.” Chad looked over at his son, Jake, who was itching a poison ivy rash he acquired earlier in the day. “It’s going to bleed if you keep itching that.” Jake rolled his eyes and stopped itching. My dad walked over to the tree line to our right and stopped at the edge peering in as if he was looking through a foggy window.
“Let’s go back to the cabin.” I said. “We aren’t going to find him. It’s too dark and it’s too late.”
“You want to quit?” Dad said, turning quickly. The look on his face was calm but suggested frustration. There was a slight furrow to his brow and he didn’t blink. He walked into the forest. Chad smirked, stood up, and began following my dad. He motioned Jake to follow them. Jake groaned and itched at his ivy rash. The three of them disappeared into the trees and became shadows and snapping twigs.
I stood there alone. Leaves drifted slowly around me, swirling in the wind. I looked right, left, and then back towards the cabin. I was too far away to see it but I knew it was there and I knew it would be warm. I could start a fire, make dinner, read a book, and go to bed. I would be content to stay in the cabin for the rest of the trip. I wanted to go back to the cabin. But, I had the maps. They might get lost if I left them. I needed to go with them.
Then, I realized that I had lost sight of them. I couldn’t hear their steps anymore. I strained to listen. Silence. I squinted into the trees to see any movement. All I saw was leaves falling and the gentle sway of the trees in the wind. I began to walk in the direction that they had gone. I hoped that eventually I would be able to hear them again. They couldn’t have gone far.
I stomped through the brush as loudly as I could hoping to get their attention. I yelled out for them but I didn’t receive any answers. The sun was dipping below the horizon now and it was beginning to get cloudy. I imagined them lost, sitting in a cave somewhere calling out but no one hearing them. Jake itching his severe poison ivy rash blood running down his arm. Chad trying to make him stop itching while attending to dad, who has a bad heart and would be without his medicine in this stressful situation. Chad and Jake would most likely survive, but I don’t know about my dad. If they got lost I would be surprised if he survived until help arrived.
I began to run and yell even louder. I heard a groan to my left. I stopped and yelled again. The wind howled and the groan drifted to me again. I ran in the direction of the sound. The groan always seemed distant somehow, as if I was never going to reach it. The cold air stung my lungs as I heaved and ran faster. I kept yelling, and I kept thinking I heard a reply but in from a different direction. I assumed it was an echo. I was terrified that this groan was coming from my dad. I thought maybe dad had fallen and Chad took Jake to get help. “Someone should have stayed with him.” I muttered. It was louder now. I ran through a thicket of bushes and on the other side there he lay.
It was the buck, blood trickling from the wound in his side. I stood above the beast, amazed at how helpless even the most powerful can be sometimes. I yelled that I found the buck. Nothing but the wind and the shutter of the trees. That is when the first raindrop fell.

a thought while re-watching some classics

2008-05-26T20:22:00.000-07:00

i have a feeling that there would be more peace in the world if we were all to sit down and enjoy some looney tunes cartoons together.

since war hasn't helped, why not try looney tunes?

that's all folks.

keith

2008-05-23T14:42:00.001-07:00

yesterday maria and i met our across the hall neighbor, keith. this is not a picture of keith but it is a keith that i found on google images. keith is a proud owner of two cats and multiple cars, which tend to have damage done to them anonymously, which was how the conversation started. he asked if maria and i had heard anyone run into his vehicle between 7 am and 10:30 pm on Wednesday. we had not. and so began a 30 minute conversation covering a varying array of topics.

he explained to us, in detail, what has happened to each of his four or five cars and two garages in the 14 years he has lived in these apartments. alot of windows had been broken and some hit and run situations. his garage was broken into and ransacked as well, but nothing was really taken.

after he explained these things to us the conversation topic turned to the downfall of our neighborhood. apparently the apartment complexes across from us are a haven for illegal drug activity. a woman once asked him over and in the house she offered him drugs and sex, both of which he turned down. she had just ended a long relationship and he didn't want any drama.

in our own apartments there was a "raging lesbian" who would have "raging lesbian parties" with marijuana and drinking which were very loud. when he asked her to quiet the party down she was belligerent and cussed him out. there were some other instances of drug abuse on a massive scale but i don't remember the specifics.

not only drugs, but violence is escalating apparently too. last winter, or the winter before, a gentleman drowned his baby in a bucket of water. keith has heard many gunshots on several occasions as well. he also witnessed a biker beat another man to death with a tire iron. he called the police and they never showed up. he said that "the screams were the worst sounds he's ever heard."

there was a time when he wasn't living in our neighborhood and i am not sure, since the stories came quickly and out of chronological order, which ones actually happened in this area. i have never heard a gunshot and have never had any problems with drugs, violence, or loud parties. still, it was a little disconcerting.

other topics of conversation:
1. our landlords. apparently they are crooks and have kicked several old people out of the apartment building. one being disabled.

2. the female cat rules the roost while the male is a wuss.

3. his mistakes with women. he said he always went for the one who was "in skimpy clothes and as easy" or something to that affect. he said he didn't always make the best choices.

it was interesting talking to him, some of it kind of made me uneasy, but i think he needed to talk. he said he's on disability and is home all day. so he probably just needed some human interaction, which everyone needs. we've come a long way from the day he yelled at me for "slamming" my door.

(this was not "The Pursuit.")

2008-05-22T15:35:00.000-07:00

coming soon: The Pursuit

2008-05-19T19:46:00.000-07:00

looks like the Schultz clan will be inhabiting the metro area for an undetermined amount of time. we're happy about it.

abilities

2008-05-11T20:44:00.000-07:00

"will there ever be a boy born that can swim faster than a shark?"

Gareth, from BBC's "The Office"

i have always liked this quote, for obvious reasons, it is funny and it has to do with sharks, but the last time i heard it made me think about something else. it made me think about my abilities. what skill do i have that i excel at? even abilities in general, about the abilities of those who surround me. how do these things make us stand out amongst this never ending sea of people trying to stand out themselves.

this boy, if he is ever born, would have an amazing swimming ability that would set him apart in an amazing way. just imagining someone racing a shark makes me wish it were me. but that would mean that i have to swim constantly and work harder on that than i am used to. but i don't think amazing ability is taught, there has to be something ingrained somehow. a gift of skill, maybe some physical or spiritual attribute that makes someone excel at something. if i were meant to be an incredible swimmer maybe i would be born hairless, that sort of thing. piano players with spindly fingers, tall basketball players, scientists with larger than normal brains. i can spot these things in others but very rarely do i spot it within myself.

i can listen to a CD and hear inspiration and skill, i can look at a painting and see that artistic touch that i never would have come up with, i can read a book and be blown away by the emotional depth or new idea that i never would have been able to create. i can look at my wife and see her incredible way with children, which leads logically to her being an amazing teacher. i can look at my brother and see his writing ability, which would lead him to be a great writer. i can look at most people and see their particular skill and see how that is going to guide them to a career in which they will excel. a career that will hopefully fulfill them and make them happy. then i try to look inward . . . and it doesn't go so well.

this is not meant to be a poor me blog. i am only saying that i struggle with seeing my own special skill, and i think that that is a normal thing. alot of people struggle to discover what they are truly good at. i think i dabble. i play the drums well, i write decently, i am a good bank teller, i work well with people. but i sometimes feel like i don't have a skill that takes me above and beyond. something that makes it obvious what i should be pursuing as far as my career. i am able to do alot of little things just well enough. where is that drive to be the best? what is holding me back from putting my whole effort into one of those things that i am okay at? i think i would feel a stronger push towards any one of these things if it was my calling. i just think that i haven't quite landed upon it yet. i know part of it, being a good and loving husband, and someday a father. i think i am developing those skills on a daily basis, and both are things that i want to be. but what about the rest of it? how am i to fulfill my career path?

i think i need to focus on what i am passionate about. i need to look into those things that make my heart skip alittle when i think about them. of course, this isn't that easy. sacrifices would be made, hard decisions come with it. it helps that maria and i are supports for each other. this time of transition is so difficult for everyone, i am just glad i am blessed to be with someone who will be a rock of support instead of one weighing be down. both of our families are there for us as well as our tight circle of friends. the problem is myself, my doubts and insecurities causing me to stay stagnant and fearful of really taking chances. nothing is gained if nothing is risked. i just pray that God will guide through with grace and love.

i still need to discover that one thing that i am passionate about doing, the place where i feel i could do some good, and pursue it regardless of the risks. hopefully i will succeed, even if i don't i will have learned something and will know that much more about what i would want to do. but, if i do succeed, i hope i understand that i am not the best at what i do, but that i do my very best.

i think i rambled a bit much, i am sorry. just to clarify, i do think that people aren't just boiled down to one skill. everyone has many different things that they are good at. but i do see that the one thing that people do excel at tends to be what they pursue as a career. so i guess that is where my mind was going with this. sorry. God bless.

not so great clips

2008-05-08T19:36:00.000-07:00

i don't like getting my hair cut. waste of time.

viewer discretion advised (not for children)

2008-05-01T15:13:00.000-07:00

i apologize to anyone who is sensitive to bare skin or young celebrities but since it has been getting so much talk lately i feel i should weigh in my opinion on this whole miley cyrus/hannah montana thing. first i'll show you the controversial picture and discuss from there. if you still have a good opinion of the teen star you might want to look away . . . it is a young girl and alot of skin . . .

i'm sorry you had to see that but feel it is important to show you what is being deemed controversial. personally i am offended. not only is this nearly naked man standing next to miley cyrus but, and i think worst of all, she is touching him. she is also very happy about it. this is sending a bad example to our young people. this is the message it is sending to me . . .

"i'm hannah montana, if you see a naked man just smile and touch him."

what example is that setting for all of the millions of little girls looking up to miley. she used to be so wholesome and now, whore! and what is that going to breed? millions of little whores just waiting to get at some huge naked man, just because "hannah montana does it."

i was going to endorse miley cyrus for president but now i am not sure that she is fit for politics because she is involved in morally offensive behavior. she would tarnish the good name of politics with her sexual escapades. i think she should be banned from america and made to apologize personally to each of her fans and tell them to not be a whore like her. she should take responsibilty for her horrible behavior.

and now . . .

2008-04-25T15:33:00.000-07:00

i just thought this was cool.

science is not without sin

2008-04-25T15:02:00.000-07:00

i know i tend to talk science up a lot. i am fascinated by it and think that it is extremely important to learn about. it is one way that i can enjoy the natural majesty of God. but it is not without reproach.

in "Expelled" there were many prominent Darwinists who claimed that religion, more than science, was the root cause of all of the violence and hatred in the world. that science was what should take religions place so that there could be peace. but in the film they counteracted that idea with eugenics.

eugenics came about with the idea that human beings could control natural selection and create the perfect human species. an idea that was used not only by Hitler and the Nazis, but by the creator of planned parenthood, Margaret Sanger, and others. people who had traits deemed unacceptable were either killed or sterilized against their wills. in the case of Margaret Sanger and planned parenthood, she wanted to rid the US of the lower classes and minorities. Hitler and the Nazis has "hospitals" in which people, mostly kids, with mental handicaps gassed and studied. Nazi doctors and scientists themselves bring a disgrace to the name of science with all of the horrible wrongs they did to people.

with these people out of the way, not reproducing or dead, then the human race could progress to perfection. it did not happen, and it will not. we are too flawed.

and if we are not careful this will repeat itself, science will come too close to the boundaries between moral and immoral and someone will take it too far. hopefully it will be noticed and stopped before it happens. unfortunately, it might be happening already. science in the hands of callous people is a dangerous thing, so is religion.

religion and science are both to blame. where ever there are differences people will prey upon them, exploit them, and collide with whomever has the opposite view. we must fight against that hate with unconditional love. and that is the hardest battle that could ever be fought. the battle to fight with-in ourselves to love without question. only when religion and science are infused with love will both be able to claim innocence from the blood on their hands.

intelligent questions

2008-04-25T14:30:00.000-07:00

on Wednesday i went to the movie theater to see "Expelled: no intelligence allowed" the new documentary starring Ben Stein. the film is about the conflict between stern Darwinist scientists and scientists who support the idea of intelligent design. what i found refreshing that the film wasn't really about who was wrong or right, there was a little of that, but not much. the meat of the film had to do with the idea that Darwinist science was not allowing for ID to be considered in the academic field. It had to do with the freedom, in science, to question theories and grow in knowledge from those questions.

i think it was a good film, sure it kind of focused a little too much on Ben Stein (i think he was trying to make his "inconvenient truth") but there were still good points made. mostly that scientific authority needs to be tested and questioned, that is how we arrive at scientific fact. Darwinism is not being questioned so much, and is well entrenched in the academic realm as the way we came to be. But it does not account for everything. in the theory, human beings developed from simple single cell organisms, which is all well and good, but it cannot account for how the first single cell organism came to exist. there are weak spots in ID as well. since it is a theory that places an unknown source of intelligence at its begining it cannot really be scientifically tested. so if there are weak spots, there needs to be more study. but i am not sure any amount of studying is going to bring about a definite answer. this is where faith comes in.

some have faith in science, others faith in God, and so on. i choose to have faith in God, but that does not mean i cannot be interested in science or consider the facts of science in the creation of the world. in "the Language of God", which is a book i have been reading, the author discusses evolution and what it could mean to believers. it does not have to be exclusive from our creation. it is not so far fetched to believe that God was the major instrument in evolution, that He ingrained natural selection into the natural law that we may become what we are today. to really think about God being ultimate creator means that he created all of the natural laws, and if natural selection and evolution are natural laws then they were created by and are controlled by God. in this way science can be seen as a way to come closer to God's majesty, not a way to distance ourselves from Him.

i would have to say that i am not a Young Earth Creationist. i do not believe that Genisis is a literal telling of the creation of the planet, and i do not believe that the world is only 10,000 years old. i am a creationist in that i believe God created this amazing planet with all of its spectacular species and natural laws. but i think the question of how he did it is always going to be an unknown, until we die. and i will look forward to finding that out.

but until then science has a place in discovery and should continue to question. especially within itself.

heroes

2008-04-21T20:47:00.000-07:00

it is interesting to think about who you would consider to be your heroes. i feel it would be people who have influenced your life in both direct and indirect ways but have somehow shaped who you have become. of course, they also tend to be people that you look up to. so here are a few, in no particular order, of my personal heroes.

monty python: in my opinion the most influential and intelligent comedy team ever. even if you don't particularly like them, a certain amount of respect is due.

andrei tarkovsky: the russian director of "Solaris", "Andrei Rublev", "Ivan's Childhood", and "Stalker" among others. incredible images, incredible artist.

david attenborough: nature filmmaker who continually inspires me to love and be in awe of God's creation.

c.s. lewis: someone who has written many books that have helped me grow in my faith. the most influential is "the Great Divorce." it is a book with such emotional intensity that it cannot be ignored.

stanley kubrick: has created some of the most beautiful images ever put on film. every time i watch one of his films i am blown away by its visual beauty and innovation.

r.l. stine: wrote the Goosebumps series. nuff said.

a few not pictured:

mineral: a band that will always remind me that music can touch your soul.

God/Jesus: as much as this is a cliche it is true, how can i deny my savior and creator of this glorious universe.

my friends and family: rick, darcy, dylan, roseabelle, clair, mary, andrew, lana, allan, cindy, matt b, matt w, gerrit, steve, ric, john, dan (lloyd), brian, jason, lisa, ashlyn, and all of my extended family on both sides, those on the pine ridge reservation, and anyone i may have forgotten, you have and will always bless my life with guidance and support. i love you all.

maria, my wife: i love you so intensely i cannot begin to describe it.

twenty-four is the new eighty

2008-04-18T22:36:00.000-07:00

i think it is kind of sad that in the past years things have changed so dramatically that when 10 o'clock comes around i am ready for bed. i used to be able to stay up until 2 in the morning, even during the week, and be able to function reasonably well the next day regardless of what i was doing. now, and maybe this comes with working full time, i am lucky if i make it to 11:30 without my eye lids getting heavy.

so tonight, i have decided to fight it. either i can give in and go to bed (which honestly sounds really nice right now) or i can stay up and watch some monty python sketches and try to rekindle some of the youth i had just a couple of years ago. to be honest, i probably won't make it to 1:00 but we'll try.

p.s. i am not trying to say that i feel old at 24, i know i am still very young and hopefully have alot of life to live yet. but because i know i am still young it bothers me that i can't seem to stay up late if i want to. well, off to bed . . .

one of those days

2008-04-14T15:23:00.000-07:00

today i was so tired that i acutually put my underwear on backwards . . .

the sad part is i didn't notice until lunchtime.

i was trying to pee and couldn't get my penis through the urination gap. i then came to the realization that i had my boxers on backwards . . . i felt like an idiot.

i'm just very glad that the reason i couldn't pee wasn't that i had somehow misplaced my penis.

my professional status has been solidified

2008-04-09T14:25:00.000-07:00

today i was officially declared "effective" by the manager and assistant manager at US Bank. i was told this when i went in to receive my 90 day review. it is quite an honor to be "effective" and is much better than being declared "in-effective" which was the only other option. i am now proud to say that i have realized all of my professional potential and will probably will retire within a month or two. i have always wanted to own a restaurant, maybe i will open a Denny's.

it is so rare to be able to live your dream . . . and to do it when you're only 24!

2008-04-04T15:25:00.000-07:00

Lord, I've never lived where churches grow

I loved creation better as it stood

That day you finished it so long ago

And looked upon your work and called it good

I know that others find you in the light

That sifted down through tinted window panes

And yet I seem to feel you near tonight

In this dim, quiet starlight on the plains

I thank you, Lord, that I'm placed so well

That you've made my freedom so complete

That I'm no slave to whistle, clock or bell

Nor weak eyed prisoner of wall or street

Just let me live my life as I've begun

And give me work that's open to the sky

Make me a partner of the wind and sun

And I won't ask a life that's soft or high

Let me be easy on the man that's down

Let me be square and generous with all

I'm careless sometimes, Lord, when I'm in town

But never let them say I'm mean or small

Make me as big and open as the plains

And honest as the horse between my knees

Clean as a wind that blows behind the rains

Free as the hawk that circles down the breeze

Forgive me, Lord, if sometimes I forget

You know about the reasons that are hid

You understand the things that gall or fret

Well, you knew me better than my mother did

Just keep an eye on all that's done or said

And right me sometimes when I turn aside

And guide me on that long, dim trail ahead

That stretches upward toward the great divide

"Oh, Bury Me Not" - Johnny Cash

i listened to this song the other day and it really struck me. i have been having a lot of conversations lately on the nature of Christianity . . . on whether or not the bible should be followed literally and how many times a day one should pray. It is hard to sift through what should be argued and what isn't. Should we be worried about how much, or how many times we pray a day? in my opinion, no. it doesn't take an hour of prayer a day to be saved, it isn't a prescription. it has to do with our spirits, how we feel, and how much we want to be saved. our desire to be part of the Love that should be spilling out of our Christian hearts. but that is not what is happening, i am just as much to blame for this than anybody. we quibble about doctrinal issues that aren't even biblical, so how do we take the bible literally in a situation where the bible doesn't make a statement. then what? in modern Christianity, we judge. we have crazed pastors leading parishioners down a path to extreme hatred against pretty much every group, even other Christians. how is that Christ like in the least bit? LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE everybody without hesitation.

i am sinful . . . i am judgemental . . . i am unworthy of God's grace and love . . . but i receive it. how can i, in good conscience, deny anybody else even the slightest bit of that love?

which brings me to the lyrics to the johnny cash song above. this, apart from the horse, is the type of Christianity i aspire to. simple, beautiful, reverent, necessary, personal, and loving. will i ever achieve it? all i can do is try.

employee profile

2008-03-18T21:20:00.000-07:00

looking at the us bank web site today i noticed something called an employee profile. i had seen them at wells fargo as well and thought that they were pretty funny. i realize they are there to attempt to raise morale, but it worked in a way that i suppose they didn't expect it would. i laughed at them, not identified with them. so here is my attempt at writing an employee profile.

this person is completely fictional . . . so, don't get offended if it hits close to home.

David W. Swanson: A Profile In Professionalism

David Swanson has been working with Federal Bancorp for 40 years and has just received the Tim Hanson medal for punctuality and professionalism for the 14th year in a row. He joined the Federal Bancorp team in 1968 after he had earned his masters degree in genetics. He started as a teller to make a few extra dollars while he looked for labs to begin his research on how to cure all known disease. He decided to stay with the bank when he was offered a personal banker position and saw that this was the real opportunity to help people. "I saw that there was a real need for someone who cared about people to talk to them about their finances. I felt that it would be a more direct benefit to humanity that way."

Over the years David has climbed the ladder of success all the way to the Assistant to the Assistant Manager of Human Resources position in the corporate office in downtown Rapid City, SD. He has been in that position for the majority of his time with Federal Bancorp.

"It is just great to be able to advance within a company that truly cares about people. I mean, who would want to give up a decent wage, job security, and good benefits to do what you've always dreamed?"

The Full House

David lives with his wife and three dogs in Rapid City. Sheila, his wife, also works for the company as an Operations clerk in the corporate office. They met one day at work when David was coming in late to check on some loan applications that needed to be processed. He saw Sheila burning the midnight oil as well. "We just kind of hit it off, " David explains. "She was working late, and I was working late. It was a match made in heaven." Six years later they were married and have been happy ever since. They had two children, Ben and Gloria, who have gone off to college. Now David and Sheila live with their two other children, Pookers and Izabel, two poodles that are quite a handful.

5 Questions

What would you do if you weren't in banking?

I would love to write spy novels, kind of like James Bond, but the main character would be a banker who fights against fraudulent check rings and things like that. Or I could go on tour with John Tesh, he's just so talented.

What is the craziest thing you've ever done?

I once ate a cookie right out of the oven before it had time to cool. It burned my mouth pretty bad and I definitely learned my lesson after that. I also have a tattoo, it is a butterfly on my ankle.

Tell us one thing no one would know about you.

I've never been outside of South Dakota. My wife and I almost took a honeymoon but we decided to work instead.

Do you love your family?

sure.

What is your greatest regret?

Spending all that money on my education, I don't use it anyways. I should have just saved it and put it into a CD or something. But, live and learn.

the photo of this guy i found on www.grigorieffphotography.com. please don't sue me.

on inspiration

2008-03-13T20:03:00.000-07:00

the question of inspiration

where does inspiration come from? i have been thinking about this for quite some time now. really since i have been out of college, since i haven't been able to write a song or a poem or a story that i've really liked. and maybe i just haven't tried hard enough, but every time i think i might have something good i start on it and it becomes something that i don't really like. so the question still stands, where is my inspiration?

to find the answer i can look at what has inspired me in the past.
1. moments in time: like taking a walk on a frozen lake feeling isolated from humanity but feeling just that much closer to something divine.
2. people: those i love dearly and those that i don't. in each person one can see something to learn from, even if you learn what not to do.
3. nature: waves lapping on the shore, seeing pure acts of life uninhibited by man's interference. the complexity of nature is something that will always amaze me.
4. God: the one who controls all of the above. hence, the ultimate and unknowable source of inspiration.

so if these are the things that inspire me, why am i not producing a massive amount of emotional material? i have love in my life, my wife, my friends, my family. i still have those precious moments in time when things just slow down and my heart just opens up. i am constantly amazed by the natural world. and i am pretty sure that God is still very involved in my life since i am so blessed, when i know i shouldn't be. but maybe the problem is not the source, maybe the problem is the outlet.

in time i am sure that writing songs, stories, and poems will come back to me. i am going to keep trying. but maybe now it is time to focus on a more visual approach to art. maybe i'll try painting, or collage, or drawing, or everything combined into one huge mess. that might be fun. if that doesn't work i'll try something else.

i don't think my problem is a lack of inspiration, i think it is just that i need to try a new medium. but don't worry , i'm not going to start giving paintings out as christmas gifts. no one wants that.

changes on the horizon

2008-03-09T20:15:00.001-07:00

i apparently had to work on saturday but was not aware and, of course, got multiple calls from my employer as a result. now, this little situation has illuminated the fact that i don't like my job and i need to find a new one. so begins the job search . . . maybe i will get a job with wells fargo, i hear they are a good company to work for.

maria is also in a time of transition in the career category and it is exciting, scary, and stressful. but wherever we end up we will be together, we will have our friends and family behind us, and most importantly God to guide us and get us through with his ever present love and grace.

preview of a blog to come: work vs. life, what is more important? (a.k.a. sharks)

now for a little learning. hopefully this is something everyone can use in everyday life.

let grandpa have his way or he'll cry all day

2008-03-04T15:35:00.000-08:00

i am sick and tired of adults (supposed adults) who feel like a temper tantrum is the way to get what you want, and i am sick of having to give them what they want. today at work some old man yelled at me because i was taking too long to get him his cash. first of all, he was getting $1500.00 dollars cash, this is nuts. secondly i had to get manager approval and they were all busy. so i get back from getting the approval after maybe five minutes and he says, "why the hell is this taking so long. god dammit i have been banking here for thirty years and i have never had this problem!" first of all, how long you've been with a bank doesn't matter to me. i have been working there for three months, i need to follow the rules, i don't care if you built the bank, there are federal regulations. secondly, yelling shouldn't get you what you want. had he yelled or not i was prepared to do the transaction, and unfortunately i couldn't refuse him. you are 80 years old. you should know better. this is what a two year old does, not an adult. what message are we sending our kids when grandpa throws a shit-fit at the bank and we tell them not to?

so i have a plan the next time someone yells at me at work. i'm going to treat them like a child in that situation, i am going to ignore them. angry millionare wants to yell, i am just going to turn my back and let him yell his lungs out. when he's ready to calm down i'll help him. then i'll give him a sucker and send him on his way.

a message to adult cry-babies. GROW UP!

i won't say a word

2008-03-03T15:16:00.000-08:00

here is something everyone should see.

if you're sick of hearing about sharks . . .watch this anyway.

http://video.nationalgeographic.com/video/player/news/animals-news/sharks-wcvin.html

coexistence

2008-02-28T20:36:00.000-08:00

if these two can live in peace, why not the rest of the world?

media feeding frenzy

2008-02-27T20:26:00.000-08:00

we all know that alot of what the media does is scare tactics. if you don't wash your hands every few seconds you might get the bird flu, for example. this morning i saw a fairly good example of that.

warning: this blog has to do with sharks, so if you are sick of hearing it from me quit reading.

on the today show this morning a news story came on about a man who had been feeding sharks in the Bahamas without a cage, was bitten, and died from loss of blood. the woman who gave the story did fairly well, she did mention that shark populations have been dropping, which is surprising for the media to admit. but right after that she said, "even though shark attacks have been in decline recently, over the years there has been an increase in attacks." i know why that is, more are reported, and there are more people in the water. with more people in the water, statistically there will be more attacks. just because it is a little more likely. also, the media pounces on these things with a vengeance.

in 2001 there were "alot" of attacks and it was dubbed the "summer of the shark."

there were less attacks that year than there were the year before. only because of the media frenzy did we think that there was a shark attack epidemic.

i will never deny the tragedy of someone dying from a shark attack. just as i will never deny the tragedy of someone being mauled by a bear. but we need to understand that we are sharing these environments. we are putting ourselves in harms way to get a closer look. Rob Stewart, the filmmaker of "Sharkwater" was on the today show and said that this is the first time that anyone had died while on one of these expeditions. the shark did not tear away any flesh, it was going for the fish, bit the man's calf, and swam away. the boat was too far from shore to get him to safety and he bled to death. this is an accident, not an unprovoked, malicious, shark attack.

sharks are amazing creatures and not out to get us. we are ever intruding and raping their environment and have killed more of them than it is possible to count. we need to treat them with respect and awe. we do need to be wary, because they are dangerous, but we need not fear them out of ignorance, we should fear them out of respect. this man's death is truly sad and my heart goes out to his family. i just hope that the media does not continue to portray the shark as a menace to the human race.

it is the lonely lord of the sea.

to read the story and see what Rob Stewart said go to http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23368894/

the oscars

2008-02-24T21:10:00.000-08:00

eh. (combined with shoulder shrug)

the laws of nature are expressions of God's will

2008-02-20T20:37:00.000-08:00

i have just recently finished watching a new nature series done by david attenborough called "trails of life" and it has honestly blown me away. each episode has to do with a certain stage of life, i.e. birth, courting, hunting, fighting, etc. and in each episode i was more and more enthralled by the complexity of the natural world. how some monkeys actually have a "language." they have different sounds attributed to different objects or situations. if a certain type of predator is coming they will make a specific sound and so forth. millions of ants work together to march along the jungle floor to hunt and kill scorpoins and large spiders. they pass over gaps by making bridges out of their own bodies. it appears to be such a complex societal system but it is all instinct. it is all design.

to think that a divine force has created all of this life and all of the natural rules that governs it is so amazing. to look at my own body, despite being a little overweight, and see its perfect design just floors me. i can have nothing but reverence for the God who created all of this.

don't get me wrong. i am not a creationist in the strictest sense. i do believe that God created this world and everything in it, but i don't believe that it happened exactly as it states in Genesis. i am also not an evolutionist. but if i had to, i would say i am a mixture of the two. to look at all of the beauty in the world and say that it all happened by accident breaks my heart. if one of the natural systems were not in place, if the planet were missing the smallest part, this would be a lifeless rock. that is the grace of God. that we would be given life, and given such an amazing and interesting environment to live it on, is an act of pure Love.

i am reading "the language of God: a scientist presents evidence for the belief in God" by francis s. collins and it has been very good thus far and i hope to learn alot more by the end of it. i am sure that alot of this writing falls short of good philosophy or even theology but is all i can say to express something inexpressable in my heart. when i see nature, honestly when i look at a shark, i see God at work. i see incorrupted creation, an organism that has remained virtually unchanged since its creation. how much closer to God can you get?

i am now going to recommend a few nature films and series that i have loved and want others to enjoy:

planet earth: incredible

the living planet: i watched this with my dad. it was the first nature series i ever saw (and loved).

trials of life: some of the most interesting animal behavior i have ever seen.

blue planet: nature films specifically about ocean habitats, amazing.

others i will just put into writing.

lonely lord of the sea: a film done by the cousteau society about the great white shark. it is very very good.

predators at war: a film about lions, hyenas, wild dogs, cheetas, and jaguars battling for food during a draught. one of the most intense nature films i have ever seen.

anything done by shark week.

blue water, white death: a documentary about the quest to get the first great white shark on film. it is very interesting, plays like an adventure story. some very cool footage.

there is divinity in nature.

morning light

2008-02-20T06:07:00.000-08:00

my Lord God, i have no idea where i am going. i do not see the road ahead of me. i cannot know for certain where it will end. nor do i really know myself, and the fact that i think i am following your will does not mean that i am actually doing so. but i believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. and i hope that i have that desire in all that i am doing. i hope that i will never do anything apart from that desire. and i know that if i do this you will lead me on the right road, though i may know nothing about it. therefore i will trust you always though i may seem to be lost in the shadow of death. i will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

thomas merton "thoughts in solitude"

just one more . . .for now

2008-02-15T21:13:00.001-08:00

napoleon as pug.

every once in a while i will be putting funny animal pictures up. deal with it.

as childish as it is this is always going to make me laugh

2008-02-15T21:00:00.000-08:00

pug batman . . .wishes do come true.

an introduction

2008-02-14T20:33:00.001-08:00

this is my wife. i love her.

celebrate love

2008-02-14T20:13:00.000-08:00

today is valentines day, the day when all of america is forced to celebrate love. i am not going to rant and rave about how valentines day is a load of horse-hooey cooked up by the card companies or anything like that. that is well worn territory and need not be tread upon anymore.

what i am going to say is this: love needs to be thought about and acted out on a daily basis. whether or not you have a beautiful wife (like mine) , husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, anything, love is a necessity to everyday life. it is not easy. i harbor my fair share of anger, i dislike people as much as the next guy, but being a person of faith i fail daily to live up to the expectations that my faith brings with it. to love regardless of anything else. pure, simple, love. easily said, not so easily done.

the beginning

2008-02-13T20:28:00.000-08:00

this is the start of something. i hope that this is a learning experience for me as well as others. i am sure there will be laughter, i am sure there will be tears. all of the stuff that life is made of written down, thought about, contemplated.

it will begin soon.

*do not comment on any poor grammer please. i am well aware that i cannot write well, there is no need to point it out.