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Very Little Self Worth(ington)

Disclaimer

All of the information contained in this blog, other than my opinion, was lifted from Wikipedia . . . so who the hell knows if it is correct or not.  But, really, in the context of this entry, it shouldn't matter.

JUST THE FACTS

Worthington is a city in Nobles County, Minnesota, United States. The population was 12,764 at the 2010 census. It is the county seat of Nobles County.
The city's site was first settled in the 1870s as Okabena Station on a line of the Chicago, St. Paul, Minneapolis and Omaha Railway, later the Chicago and North Western Railway (now part of the Union Pacific Railroad) where steam engines would take on water from adjacent Lake Okabena. More people entered along with one A.P. Miller of Toledo, Ohio, under a firm called the National Colony Organization. Miller named the new city after his wife's maiden name.

A BRIEF HISTORY

This colony – the National Colony – was to be a village of temperance with a capital “T”, a place where evangelical Methodists, Presbyterians, Congregationalists and Baptists could live free of the sins of alcohol. A town was plotted, and the name was changed from the Okabena Railway Station to Worthington, Worthington being the maiden name of Dr. Miller’s mother-in-law.

Settlers poured into the region. It was the age of the Homestead Act when 160 acres (0.65 km²) of government land could be claimed for free. All one had to do was live on the land and “improve” it, a vague phrase if ever there was one. In such an atmosphere, settlers without connection to the National Colony also arrived in great number, and few of those were temperance activists. Scandinavian, German, and Irish immigrants were among those who came. American-born settlers invariably included many hardened – and hard-drinking – Civil War veterans hungry for free land. A curious event took place on Worthington’s very first Fourth of July celebration. Hearing that there was a keg of beer in the Worthington House Hotel, Professor Humiston entered the hotel, seized the keg, dragged it outside, and destroyed it with an axe. A witness described what happened next:

''Upon seeing this, the young men of the town thought it to be rather an imposition, and collected together, procured the services of the band, and under the direction of a military officer marched to the rear of the hotel, and with a wheelbarrow and shovel took the empty keg that had been broken open, and playing the dead march with flag at half staff marched to the flagpole in front of Humiston’s office where they dug a grave and gave the empty keg a burial with all the honors attending a soldier’s funeral.



They then, with flag at full mast and with lively air, marched back to the ice house, procured a full keg of beer, returning to the grave, resting the keg thereon. Then a general invitation was given to all who desired to partake, which many did until the keg was emptied… In the evening they reassembled, burning Prof. Humiston in effigy about 10 p.m. Thus ended the glorious Fourth at Worthington, Minn. —Sibley Gazette July 5, 1872

WHY WORTHINGTON:

or How I Saw A Billboard And Worried About Worthington

On Friday, April 20th my wife, her friend Natalie, and I were driving on I-90 to Wells, MN to celebrate a friend's wedding.  As we took the exit towards Alden, MN (which we needed to take to get to Wells (I am just trying to give people an accurate portrayal of our actions and why they were taken)) I noticed the billboard that you see above.  It struck me as odd.  It took me a few moments to register what I saw.  I had to mull it over a couple times.

"Worthington - You'll come to love us."

This does not sound like a positive town slogan.  Worthington has apparently thrown in the towel.  They feel that they don't have much to offer initially, but know that if people stick around they will like it there, at the very least.  They see themselves as an acquired taste, like coffee or dipping fried onions in chocolate.  I imagine that when Worthington decided o this slogan this was the statement released by the city council:

"We all had the same experience.  We didn't want to move here, but we ended up here, and at first it was pretty damn awful.  But, we all came around, didn't we?"

End of statement.

Not only does it cast the dark shadow of low expectations over anyone thinking of living there, it also sounds like the rantings of a stalker trying to convince the woman he has been following that she will love him, someday.  Let's say Worthington was trying to get you to move there, and gave you a call. 

After a few moments of heavy breathing into the phone.

"Hello, who is this?" you ask.

More heavy breathing.

"Answer me or I am hanging up."

"No!  Don't hang up!  It's me, Worthington."

"I told you to stop calling me, Worthington.  I could call the police and have you arrested."

"You wouldn't do that . . . you like it when I call." More heavy breathing and a grunt caused by a possible pelvic thrust.

"What do you want, Worthington?  I'll give you two minutes, then I am hanging up."

"Okay, okay.  Just . . . I just need you to move here."

"No!"

"We have a lake?"

"So does every town in Minnesota."

"Our lake is for skinny dipping."  If you could see Worthington through the phone, you would see it's eyes close as it imagines you skinny dipping in it's lake.

"I'm hanging up," you say angrily.

"No!  Just one more minute!  What's the name of the town you live in now?"

"None of your business."

"It's New Ulm, isn't it?"

"Maybe" As you think of New Ulm you twirl your hair.  You have a big crush on New Ulm.

"You'll leave New Ulm for me . . . I know you will.  New Ulm wouldn't treat you as good as I would treat you."

"Whatever, Worthington, goodbye!" As you begin to hang up the phone you here Worthington gasp,

"You'll come to love me!"

*Click.

Honestly, I don't recall ever having been to Worthington.  And maybe that is because the slogan is right on.  Maybe I have been there, but I wasn't there long enough to enjoy the acquired taste.  But, I think it was a poor PR move on there part.  Why not play up King Turkey Day?  A day in which they host the Great Gobbler Gallop?  Why not celebrate the fact that Tim O'Brien, author of the best selling book "The Things They Carried", grew up there?

This town, during it's first ever Fourth of July held a military burial for a damn keg of beer.  Worthington knows how to throw a party, it knows how to get down.  Who wouldn't want to live in a town like that?

In a time when everybody is trying to raise their self esteem, I think we should hold an intervention with Worthington and try to bring out some positive opinions of itself.  Worthington needs to develop some self worth (mmmm, delicious puns).

Here's a slogan off the top of my head, Worthington, take it or leave it.

"Worthington - At least we're not Albert Lea"

Sure, you may not be the best city in the state of Minnesota, but I am sure you're still better than some.  Why don't you start acting like it?