"The opposite of faith is not doubt: It is certainty."

quote from an unknown source heard whilst listening to two Jesuit priests discussing science and religion.

let's watch something else *warning - explicit images*

So, as many of you know, Maria and I are expecting a child. Which is exciting, joyful, scary, and stressful all at the same time. We are both doing what we can to prepare for our heir to come in July. There is so much to do, and so much to learn, before we can feel as ready as possible to become parents. And as we try and learn as much as we can, we also see the benefit of trying to avoid some of the horror stories out there that would really just make us worry more than we already are/need to.

So, to avoid this unnecessary worry, I have compiled a list of movies I am going to avoid watching until the big day. Here is the first:

This film features Gina Davis giving birth to a fly larvae and as you can see in the photo below, it is kind of disturbing. It turns out in the movie that (spoiler alert) it is just a nightmare. But, even so, who is to say this might not happen to us? I don't know if I have any genetic mutations, but I did spend a lot of time near radioactive material when I was a child. But, if I am a mutant, we would just hope that our child has super powers instead of turning out to be a human baby size maggot.

Of course Maria and I are not going to have a maggot baby, but if I were to watch that movie, I would be more concerned about having a maggot baby than I would need to. So, let's watch something else.

The next film:

Maria might want me to watch this one because of the scene in which a man finally feels the pain of birth (of course it is an alien monster tearing it's way out of his chest, this is not the natural course). But, as much as Maria would want me to, I am going to avoid watching it because it would hit a little too close to home. And, in an irrational way, it would probably get me to thinking, "what if the baby did decide to come out of Maria's chest?" I like Maria too much to even entertain the thought, and that would probably mean that our child is an alien monster. No one wants that.

I hope sympathy pains don't get this extreme. Let's watch something else.

The next film:

I am going to avoid this one, not because macaulay culkin plays an evil child, but because macaulay culkin is in it. It would bother me to have a child that turned out like macaulay culkin. Scary.

Let's watch something else.

The last film:

This is a film about a killer baby. Pure an simple, I would not want our baby to kill people. That would be a real bummer. "Hey, here's our pride and joy. Don't get too close, it'll eat your face." Anyway, if our baby was homicidal, I would hope that it is a little cuter than the murderous baby below. People would probably be a little more forgiving of a killer baby if it leaned to the cute side.

But, I just don't want to worry about having a killer baby. So let's watch something else.

happy new year

Happy new year from Benny Banjo. His new year resolution? To not change a damn thing.

fred basset - a comic strip that "sheds" light on our dark times

In the comic strip, Fred Basset by Alex Graham, we see that Fred, the dog, is hilariously sending a "b-mail" as opposed to an e-mail. Not only does this bark mail punch line provide hours of uproarious laughter, I think it provides some pretty serious commentary on the state of communication in this day and age.

In the first panel we see Fred's owner sitting at his computer, presumably sending an email. He is completely disconnected, blank stare, back turned away from his best friend, Fred, typing away oblivious to the world around him.

Now, Fred, on the other hand sees this as an opportunity for real communication. He does not just sit in front of a screen. He goes outside, facing the world around him, and calls out to his friend. We don't see it, but I bet Jock would respond in the next panel, and after that they would get together for some good old fashion dog fun. Not only this, but as Fred send his "b-mail" he wears an exuberant expression on his face. Probably partly because he knows he is being clever, but mostly, because he is really communicating with those that he loves.

That is where the message lies in this genius bit of comic wit. Humanity has lost touch, with each other and with ourselves. We not longer communicate, but rely on electronics and magic to get our message out there. Case in point, I am using the Internet to get my feelings about this comic strip. I should be out there on the streets, talking about that truth that lies in the soul of Fred Basset. Fred (dogs/nature in general) have the right idea. They still use eye contact, voices, and emotion to communicate with each other.

Humanity needs to take a lesson from this hound, let's re-open our lines of direct communication, and send a few "b-mails" of our own.

a gift from a feline neighbor

Maria and I received a housewarming gift from the next door neighbor's cat, Mooch. When I got back from my walk this morning the cat was sitting on our patio and next to it was a little bloodied bird. As I approached the cat ran away, and the little bird just sat there. It was still alive but very much injured. There was nothing I could do, so I stepped inside.

After I removed my shoes a looked out the patio windows and saw that Mooch was now playing with the injured bird instead of killing it. But the bird managed to flutter away under the power of one injured but operational wing. I did not see where it went, but the cat followed it and I did not see how the quarrel ended.

To Mooch,

Maria and I appreciate the gesture, but wish you would have gotten us something more useful. Even if the bird had been dead, there wasn't enough meat on it to have a meal. Next time, bring a fruit basket or something.

Matt Lauer - Bear Whisperer

There was a story on the Today show that aired on the morning of July 29th about a few bears attacking campers in Yellowstone National Park. There was one fatality and two injuries. As of this morning they had not found the bears that had attacked the campers. But, an official spoke on behalf of the park about the measures being taken to control the situation. Specifically, they closed all of the camp grounds and began a major search for any bear in the area. After the interview, Matt Lauer made a simple statement. He said,

"It sounds like they are taking all the right steps."

The show then continued to be terrible. But this statement struck me as odd. How would Matt Lauer know what the "right steps" would be to control possible bear attack? Does he have some sort of experience with bears that the public does not know about? So I asked him.

Below is the transcript from an interview I did with Matt Lauer concerning his amazing bear controlling skills.

In the photo above Matt Lauer explains how he calms a bear down by squeezing it's playful parts.

Adam: Matthew, may I call you Matthew?

Matthew: Yes you may.

A: Matthew, how did you first become interested in bears and bear controlling.

M: I was about 7 and my family went camping, in a forrest somewhere, and a bear wandered into our camp because it could smell the bacon I was looking at. It came at me in a relatively aggressive way and my dad shot it in the belly. It took quite a while for it to die, and as I sat and watched it struggle I tried to calm it down. I sang to it, petted it, but eventually calmed it down by squeezing it's playful parts. The bear then seemed to go very peacefully into the next world. So, I began my studies of the bear after that experience.

A: You said you sang it a song . . . what song was it?

M: "The wheels on the bus." by the Rolling Stones.

A: Since you had such a love of bears, how did you end up in Television news? Sorry, I didn't mean to say news. It really isn't news is it, it's kind of a glorified TMZ.

M: Correct. I focused my energy on bears and their playful parts all through college and worked in a lot of campsites in known bear country finding bears and calming them down. As I developed this skill, I learned how to control potentially dangerous bear situations. But, I was also becoming very interested in Television news and the wonderful clothes involved.

A: The clothes made you interested in working on Television?

M: Yes, doing my bear calming job I did not wear any clothes. Well, except for some shorts, in case I came across any campers. So when I saw the pretty suits, I just became enthralled by it. So I started doing Television news the next day.

A: That happened pretty quick for you.

M: Any idiot can do it.

A: I bet it takes real skill to "bear whisper".

M: It does. And, I still "whisper" bears every now and again to make sure I keep those muscles toned, if you know what I mean. But, really, it's kind of in my muscle memory. I will never forget the experiences I have had with bears.

A: And I am sure the bears will always remember the experiences they have had with you.

M: I made sure of that.

A: Do you stay in touch with any of the bears you used to calm?

M: There are a few that I have been able to stay friends with . . . but for the most part no. It's just that bear life and man life don't really mix all that well sometimes. I mean, would a bear be able to behave in a restaurant?

A: In my opinion, no.

M: You're absolutely right. I could calm the bear down, but that would make everyone else in the restaurant uncomfortable and scared. And since I am a part of the news media I see it as part of my job to not frighten people unnecessarily.

A: You are very noble.

M: I am aware of that, thank you.

In the end, this interview showcased for me the expertise that is hidden in our news anchors. When they make those comments at the end of the story, they know what they are talking about. So in summation I would like to say . . . trust the news media, otherwise we will all die from the trace amounts of rat poison that are in our face soap that we didn't know was there but is, and every time we wash our face we ingest it.

Matt Lauer in his "bear whispering" outfit. I could see how a bear would enjoy this.

*interview with Matt Lauer not real . . . no duh*

tragedy lies behind the demand for fresh seafood in the gulf