a trip through time

friends, i am very sorry it has been so long since i have written. i have been recuperating from an other worldly excursion of monumental scale. my dear friends i have just returned from the past. yes, we went on a trip through time. my body, and more importantly, my mind needed time to recover some sense of normalcy before i would be able to convey any of what we experienced in this most unusual holiday. i think my concept of reality and time has been altered permanently and from here forth i will not be the man who you once knew . . . i will be a little heavier. here begins my tale.


This tale starts normally enough. we had planned on going on a trip to celebrate an anniversary for some good friends of ours to wisconsin dells, wisconsin. we all met at the place where maria and i live and headed out on the long road to the dells. upon entering wisconsin a strange fog began to descend and it was starting to become hard to see. it was a dense fog, one that brought strange events that i will never be able to forget or explain. after the fog lifted things were different.

we arrived in wisconsin dells but it seemed that we entered into a time long forgotten instead of the time in which we lived, the medieval era. the first place we stopped was a place of torture.

we witnessed the ways in which both the guilty and innocent were punished and it was beyond our belief. some of the most horrific things in human history were done to man by man and we saw them first hand. there was one where a person was hung upside down and a saw was placed at this persons groin and they were sawed in half until they died, which usually didn't happen until the saw reached the navel or chest. some of us enjoyed it more than others, see above picture, and as far as i know steve is now planning on a career in corrections.

we then traveled forward in time into the time of pirates. another dangerous situation that we had to endure.

the girls made a mistake right away and insulted the captains boots and they were placed in these restraints. after they had spent their time and the captain was pleased in their punishment the ship sailed on . . . towards high seas shinanigans! we sailed to the island of wisdelsin in search of an ancient treasure. there we were confronted with 18 tasks that we had to complete before we could see the gold, and if we failed we would perish.

with the tasks completed, my mind is too foggy and i cannot remember what the tasks were, we recieved the treasure and became honorary pirates.

the next day we awoke to a great downpour and something came through the rain to pick us up . . . it was noah's ark! we had gone back to the days of the bible! for fear that we would be drowned amongst the sinners we decided to board the vessel and sail. we were at noahs ark for what felt like 40 days and nights, and we all we overcome by the sun and burned as the ship sailed. the rain and water whipped us around and the waves crashed into us. it was actually alot of fun, even though some of it was nerve wracking at the time. in our haste to board the vessel we forgot our cameras so there is no visual record of these events.

the next day we awoke in a vast forrest and heard songs drifting from a small wooded shanty. as we walked towards the sounds we saw that we were in a small lumberjack camp back when the land was still wild and unsettled. we had a damn good breakfast with these hard working gentelmen of pancakes, eggs, sausage, ham, potatoes, donuts, juice, and coffee.

we ate far too much.

after we left the breakfast hall we discovered an unknown history, one that would rock this nation to its very core.

in the past aliens had abducted the white house and placed back on the earth upside down. this was remedied by the white house being rebuilt in washington d.c. and everything to do with this other incident was kept top secret, but we discovered these ruins of the original white house.

we learned that the aliens have been constructing our presidents as robots from the beginning. that was about it, but upon exiting the ruins some amatuer chose the incorrect path and a bomb went off destroying all evidence. i will continue to tell of this true history, even if the government comes after me.

so stressful was this ordeal that we had to have a cigarette.


but as we smoked gerrit went back in time further and channeled the missing link, apeman before homosapien. so many truths were revealed to us on this trip that i cannot fathom what else could be so dramtically different than what we have been taught.

maria and i then continued on our trip while the others decided that had experienced enough revalation. in the interest of exploration and learning maria and i drove on. we arrived at a huge metropolis in which many things would be learned. the first place we went was a place where the waters of the earth still teamed with ancient beautiful creatures that were wild and untamed.

here is one of the ancient creatures we witnessed.



soon after that picture was taken it ate somebody. we went further into this wilderness and saw some beautiful creatures that have remained virtually unchanged for millions of years, sharks. standing there watching them swim through the glinting light of the sun i experienced a truly emotional feeling. admiration, adoration, awe, and inspiration flowed over me as they swam smoothly through the inky water. i felt a connection to creation at that point and actually choked up a little bit. sharks are one of the most magnificant creatures on God's earth. after we left there we rested in anticipation of what might come tomorrow.

we awoke in a world of magic, witches, wizards, talking beasts, and song. it was a marvelous sight and maria and i reveled in the spectacle. mostly maria, this has been a life long goal for her and she was able to achieve it.

we also wandered the city and took in some of the historical art work and architecture. here are some of the highlights.

maria in front of the ancient skyline.



a couple scenes from the heart of the historical city.

a (relatively) modern day tower of babel.

the next day maria and i traveled back towards minnesota unsure if we would return to modern day or stay in the past. we hoped for our own times but i think a little part of us both wanted to see things as they were back when this land was in control, not the other way around. but as we drove and got closer and closer to minnesota the fog began to fall again. i got my camera out to record it but the fog did not work in the photographs. but as we drove through the fog we felt very peculiar and i took pictures of our faces to document. these are how they turned out.

as we travelled forward in time our faces became distorted and returned to normal when we arrived in the present, well maria's did (mine still looks a little odd). after we got into our apartment we were unsure that what we experienced was truly real. did this all really happen? had we really traveled back in time and seen all of these historical truths come to life? how would we know? who would believe us?

we both needed rest, so we laid down and the next morning we awoke to something sitting on our coffee table. it was a photograph taken in the old west. we stared in disbelieve at the evidence of our backwards time travel. this was the proof . . . we had gone back in time and returned. we will always remember this trip through time with fondness. here is the proof.

vacation

maria and i are going to be taking a much needed vacation. first we are going to wisconsin dells with the plantages, matt wulff, and steve kohlmann. that will be sweet. then on to chicago for a little "just the two of us" vacation. thanks to the united states government for funding the vacation with its generous economic stimulus package. i will send president bush a post card.

i'll let you know how the trip goes when we return. we are very excited to get some time away from our jobs and the twin cities. it has been awhile.

root beer

these root beer's are the best. following these root beer's would be culver's, mug, and barqs (in that order). if only root beer was required for human survival, like water.

a quick bit of advice:

if anyone ever asks you if you would be willing to take the responsibility of balancing and adding money to an ATM weekly, say NO.

it'll save you alot of stress.