The moment Delia emerged I was overwhelmed with joy, both that she was here and she was amazing, but also that Maria could finally be done with the major pain that is active labor. Those hours were frantic and it all felt so surreal. There is no way I can try to explain what I was feeling then, especially since it's been so long. All I can say is this, after the initial rush of unfathomable joy, what was left in me . . . was fear.
I did not sleep at all that night. All I did was worry about Delia, worry about Maria, worry about our future as a family, and whether or not this was something that I could do. Of course I wanted children, of course I was excited that she was here and I could hold her, but no matter of preparation could have made me completely comfortable with the fact that Maria and I (mostly Maria (just joking)) are responsible for an entire human life. Not just the baby years, not just toddler time, an entire life. It's still overwhelming when I think of it that way, but now it excites me, to think of the possibilities of Delia's life. She, literally, could do anything. And it will be fun to see who she becomes.
The past 6 weeks have been pretty great, for the most part. The first day home was stressful and terrible. But, as time goes on, the more we develop the necessary skills and enjoy our time with Delia, watching her change and grow and gain weight (just like her dad). She is beginning to smile a lot, just not quite on purpose yet, and she has started to coo a little bit. It's amazing how such little changes make such a big difference.
Today I started my paternity leave of two weeks. Two weeks of just Dad and Delia. I was worried at first, and will continue to be only less so as the days progress. But, there was a moment today, just after I had fed her for the second time, that she fell asleep on my chest after I had burped her. Immediately my mind went to all of the things I should be doing; laundry, house cleaning, bill paying, etc. But, then I looked out the patio window, which was open and a breeze was coming in, and a beautiful song by Bjork came on, I watched the leaves quiver in the wind and felt Delia breathing on my chest, and I knew that nothing was more important than that moment. It was just a man and his daughter relaxing on a sunny summer day. The only thing that would have made it better was if Maria had been there, sleeping on the couch (or making me a sandwich (of course I am kidding)).
We are a family, and I can not wait for every little moment like that. Because that's what makes all of the stress worth it.
