Horror movies are meaningful. The good ones (let’s face it, there are
some pretty awful ones out there) explore society’s fears, shine a light on our
own shortcomings and hypocrisies, make us ask hard questions about morality and
faith, and provide catharsis in letting us experience our worst fears without
having to experience them in reality.
For many, horror films are their roller coasters, that fun shot of
adrenaline that makes them feel alive.
I watch horror films for all of
these reasons. Sometimes they are
just fun. Sometimes they are
art. Sometimes they are all of
these things. The extremes in
emotions that you experience when you watch a truly great horror film can make
the best of dramas pale in comparison.
However, there are so many important
life lessons that can be learned from horror films as well. The Brothers Grimm understood
this. In their original fairy
tales, the stories contained extreme horror and frightening imagery. But, they also contained morals and
lessons. I think horror films
still contain these messages.
I have compiled a list of lessons
that I have learned from some of my favorite horror films, and wanted to share
them. Yes, some of these
situations might seem pretty specific and it might seem unlikely that you would
ever find yourself in that situation.
But, please, take heed and be wary, because you never know when all Hell
might break loose.
1. Anyone with button eyes is not to be trusted.
2. Don’t be a teenager.
3. Just avoid babysitting
altogether.
4. If you need an inhaler,
tape it to your body somewhere for easy access. Also, if you’re told to avoid the basement . . . avoid the
basement.
5. If you end up in an old
house in rural Texas with a huge amount of morbid taxidermy hanging about,
excuse yourself immediately.
6. When you suspect a loved
one is possessed by the devil, remove, from that person’s room, any objects
that have the potential of being shoved into any orifice.
7. When you are visiting the
cemetery and you spot a suspicious person shuffling and groaning, don’t try to
make small talk, destroy their brain and find someplace safe to hide away for
the rest of your life.
8. If a murdered serial killer
starts inhabiting your nightmares . . . just throw in the towel (or the bed-sheets).
8. If you are on the lamb, and
need to place to stay for the night, do yourself a favor, don’t stop at the
first hotel you see. Drive on and
stay at a Holiday in or something.
9. No matter how good it
looks, don’t eat the damn grape.
10. Don’t live in a house built
on a native burial ground.
11. There is a chalky under
taste. Don’t eat it. Don’t let the old lady into your
home. She is a Satanist.
12. Again . . . don't be a teenager.
13. If you find yourself in a
situation where you are in the Antarctic, and anyone in your group could be a
murderous shape-shifting alien, just take the chance and kill everyone
else. It will stop the alien from
escaping and save humanity, unless you are an alien too . . . so . . . in that
case it may be time for you to check out as well.
14. Don’t stay in creepy cabins
in the middle of nowhere, and if you do find yourself inhabiting one of these
places, for God’s sake, don’t play the reel to reel that reads out the spell in the Necronomicon that unleashes the evil in the woods.
15. You’re in a hotel, it’s
winter, you’re stuck there . . . figure out a way to blow off some steam, or
you may do something you regret.
16. Start with a bigger
boat.
