Part of me is a little relieved. It is extremely stressful taking care of a baby full time. I don't feel the need to mark any specific examples (besides the pee geyser which, thinking back, was more funny than stressful), but just being responsible for another life has so much pressure built into it, and added to that is the pressure of not blowing it, all the while the child is screaming for no discernible reason and all that can be done is guess at what they want. I never wanted someone to be able to communicate so badly. I think that was the worst part of it to me . . . not being able to ask Delia,
"what do you need? I am more than happy to get it for you, just tell me what you want."
And have her say, "Well, stupid, I shat in my pants a couple moments ago, so if you wouldn't mind getting that taken care of that would be great!"
"Great!" I would say, "I can do that for you. Thanks for telling me, despite the obvious attitude."
Also, I think I went through my mourning period for Maria and I's independent life. I miss it . . . a lot. Just being able to come home and enjoy each others company without anything else to focus on. But, this is bringing growth and (I didn't know that this was possible) more love to our relationship. I can not begin to express how much Maria means to me, and seeing that we haven't killed each other in the past 8 weeks takes away the worry of us killing each other for the next several years.
Another part of me is sad that this time I had with Delia is over. It has been incredible to be here to watch her grow and participate in her early life in such a significant way, even though she has no idea (that I know of) that 'dad' was the one fiddling with her the past two weeks. It has just been a really good way for me to bond with her. To start with, since Maria was home with her and essentially the only one feeding her, there was a certain distance there. But, I think this helped to close that particular gap for me.
It is somehow much more difficult to express the joy that I have felt these past two weeks. So I am just going to include this little video I took of Delia this morning. This says more than I ever could about how wonderful she is and how happy Maria and I are to be able to call her our daughter.
I just want to express my extreme thanks to Maria for putting up with me these past two weeks, and helping me build my baby confidence in leaps and bounds. You are definitely my better half.
And thank you, Delia, from the bottom of my heart, for simply being here and enriching our lives in unknown and infinite ways.
Oh, and since I have been home with her, Delia has watched nearly the entire Stanley Kubrick film catalog. I think her favorite was Full Metal Jacket, which surprised me. Delia is just brimmed full of surprises . . . just like her mother.
