some recent happenings . . . some are true, some are lies. you figure it out.

maria was recently trapped in a bathroom during a blackout.

i discovered that i have five nipples.

my ears have been plugged for about a week now.

maria and i gave a drunk woman (she was drinking gin and juice) a ride to nowhere in particular.

a snake bit maria and i sucked the poison out of the wound . . . at least that's what i told her.

maria was stung by a bee and peed on in the span of about an hour.

a lamp was given to us.

every sunday i have to take Peptobismol because i get nervous poops.

maria quit her job and is now a flight attendant with Southwest Airlines.

i quit my job and took a job from someone else . . . sucker.

maria and i watched the Ricky Gervais stand up special twice since we bought it.

i now understand the meaning of life . . . and i am not going to share it with anyone.

i want to get a shark tattoo.

i should probably go to bed.