Maria and I finished our 6 week crash course in labor and parenting tonight. We went to six 2 1/2 hour classes, and 4 out of the six were devoted to labor. The first night was designed to scare the s--- out of you. In giving a brief introduction to the process of labor, we were immediately overwhelmed by the process and wished we had not signed up for the class. I don't remember anything really specific about it, probably because it was traumatic and I fought to forget everything I heard.
The next couple of nights served to calm us down a bit and ease our concerns about whether or not we could do this. It was helpful to get the calming techniques and a little bit more of an idea about what to expect and how to deal with different situations. I did take things seriously for the most part . . . but I did get scolded by Maria whilst practicing some breathing because I kept cracking jokes. In my defense, I was in a room full of pregnant women and their baby daddies who are all swaying and breathing in patterns. I was uncomfortable, so I made jokes. Come show time, I will probably not find anything funny about it so I will just focus. But, I do understand why she was frustrated, and even though she was a little annoyed at me, she still laughed at my jokes.
We did learn about drugs and c-sections . . . and this is what I got out of it: regardless of how easy one tries to make it, there is no really easy way to give birth to a living human. I am so proud of Maria for her bravery and determination in the face of something that seems impossible. She is an amazing woman . . . and she has lived with me for over 3 years (the pain and suffering from that experience would probably prepare her to become an octo-mom).
The fifth night was "taking care of your new born". This was only given one night, so it must not be very important, although it was to me. Keeping this child alive is goal number one. I think goal number two is using the term "buccal swab" as much as possible. I learned it that night and have been annoying Maria with it ever since (she is such a trooper). I don't know why, but it just struck me as hilarious. If you want to know what it means, just ask. I have one scheduled for next week (just to be sure).
This evening was about breast feeding. At first I thought it was strange that an entire class would be devoted to learning what to feed breasts . . . but then I understood. Silly me.
One quick note to all the "fathers to be" in the class . . . shut the f--- up. You may think you have a funny comment, but you don't. I know you want all the other guys in the class to think you are going to be the cool dad, or you don't want people to know you actually care about becoming a parent so you make little comments about hooking your Playstation up to the television in the hospital's birthing room whilst your wife gives birth. Why don't you "man" up and do the adult thing and listen? You're going to be a father soon, and you can have a lot of fun doing that. But along with that fun comes a huge responsibility, so quit making stupid jokes about drinking and listen. I know I have probably made some jokes about parenting that someone will come back at me with . . . but even though I have a sense of humor about this process, that doesn't mean I am not taking this deadly seriously.
okay, that last paragraph was a tad harsh, maybe those dumb jokes are their way of coping with what is a confusing and stressful time, but that doesn't make it any less annoying to me.
All that said, it was a good experience and Maria and I can not wait to meet the little lady (not too early, and not too late though)! I can't even describe how happy we both are, and scared, and stressed, and ecstatic, and all sorts of emotions. But, when she emerges from the womb, and I am revived from the fainting spell I will inevitably have, Maria and I will be the two happiest people in the world. It will be amazing to look at our daughter and see a future full of possibilities, hope, and most of all, love. We are going to be blubbering messes (happy tears) . . . please bring some tissues if you plan on visiting the hospital.
*a quick note on the picture, this is the men learning how to be chairs.
